Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 08/13/09 8:34pm
Hi Brenda,
Welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found a place to unload your situation and the women here are great.
It sounds like you have a lot of pressure on you from the biological father to have the abortion. I was cheering for you when I read in your post that you told him you would have the baby and not ask him for anything. I know how daunting that must seem with already having your two other children, but then again mothers also know what it's like to receive that grace to simply make things work, one way or another.
From my perspective, women in an unplanned pregnancy often tend to be understandably governed by externals that later hindsight shows shouldn't have been the decision makers.
Since you're talking about a permanent decision to end another human life, I think it makes sense to work backward in order of priority. It's kind of you to consider the biological father's requests, but ultimately this is your body, your life, your baby and your conscience you will have to live with, not his. It does not sound like he plans to be a part of the picture afterwards, whether you have an abortion or keep the baby, so it makes sense not to have his input be the decider during this process, either.
As for asking yourself whether or not it's right to bring the child into the world when you are struggling, I would gently say that dear mother your little one is already here! And you are already showing your designed mother instincts by resisting the notion of abortion him or her. You ask if they should be brought into the world with your doubts, but with your heart and actions you are already naturally desiring to protect them. It doesn't surprise me to hear that you are a mother already to you two children.
Regarding the working backward from priority, I would ask first if you desire to protect or kill this human life. It's a simple question, but it's really the foundational one. If you decide that you desire to protect them, you step back and address the circumstances in your life that challenge this one by one, and keep them in their place as secondary to your first priority.
Circumstances that make an unplanned pregnancy seem so daunting (relationships, finances, pressure, career choices, etc) are variable that are constantly shifting and there's a good chance a calendar year from now they'll all have changed. However, once the little one you are carrying is terminated, they will never be able to be brought back - their death is permanent and not a variable.
That's just my two cents worth. It's an interesting thing to me how the tapestry of our lives is always changing in ways we didn't think up. I have hope, though, that the God who made us (and our little ones) has a master plan that we'll see at the end to have been perfectly woven with the challenges and trials as well as the joys.
Hang in there! Regardless of what you decide I hope you'll consider this forum a safe place for you to come and be listened to and respected. Take good care of yourself.
With Kindness,
Heather
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