Scared and Confused -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Subject: Scared and Confused

Author:
Jenn

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Date Posted: 08/15/09 2:21am

I resently found out I was pregnant I have had 1 misscarge a few years ago. I am in a relationship we've been together just over a year actually we got pregnant right around our 1 year. Neither of us are fully ready and I think he's feeling like he might end up being traped I thought about abortion but I don't think I am strong enough to go threw with it. I would be willing to have this baby on my own and I know my mother would help me and I know he would still be apart of the childs life as well but I fear its going to end us we've been thew alot in the year we've been togehter he got me out of a really abusive situation and up tell a few months ago we where both working full time but my work has really screwed me over after 2 years and i'm working only 1 day week and his biggest consern is that with me being pregnant that he's going ot have to pick up all the new bills as well and he's already paying for everything and is feeling like he's in it alone alot of the time. I have been looking all over for a place to work but not having luck and now I fear that being pregnant that it will be even harder. We do love each other and planned on alot of things and now we both fear that those things may never happen because what if I cant find work. I am only 8 weeks pregnant and 24 years old. I know I want this baby but how do you make it work when your so stressed over not having much for a job anymore.

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Re: Scared and Confused

Author:
Shellie
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Date Posted: 08/15/09 10:34am

Hi Jenn,

You said that you didn't think you were strong enough to go through an abortion. Let me tell you, facing an unplanned pregnancy head-on, and not running away from it is the epitome of STRONG!

And I don't know why this is, but we women somehow feel guilty for getting/staying pregnant and "ruining a man's life". Don't feel guilty! You both took part in making a new being, you are just doing the natural thing--letting him/her continue to grow and live.

Job situations and finances can and do change. You have about 8 months before the baby is born, and many things can change in that time. I recommend going to your local Pregnancy Resource Center. They will help you get connected with resources in your area that you can benefit from. Are you drawing unemployment benefits? If not, you may want to look into that. I�m not sure, but I think if you�re working part time, you may be able to. I don�t know what�s going on with your job, but maybe they should just let you go all the way so you can draw benefits (and most likely receive more money than your one day a week job), while looking for another job.

I�m not sure what will happen with your current relationship. How he feels about you has a lot to do with how he will respond to the baby and you, initial reaction aside. It�s normal for men to have a negative reaction at first. With time many men come to accept the pregnancy, support the mother, and later love their child. Time will tell. But you are right; you can do this without his support. It�s so good to hear that your mother would be there to help you through this. Mothers are awesome!

I will post again to offer more advice and suggestions. Feel free to post as often as you like!

Take care,

Shellie

[> Subject: Re: Scared and Confused

Author:
Pat
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Date Posted: 08/15/09 5:58pm

Hi, Jenn,

At 24, you are a good age for having children. I agree with Shellie. The strong and brave thing would be to protect your child. Remember, courage isn't about being unafraid. It's about facing your fears and doing the right thing in spite of them.

You spoke of thinking that having this baby would be the end of your relationship. Actually, the opposite is true. About 90% of the unmarried relationships break up after abortion.

You can find a pregnancy resource center in your area by going here: pregnancycenters.org. They will help you with your expenses, finding a job, and so forth. You have plenty of time, and really, other than the cost of birth, a baby isn't all that expensive, especially if you breastfeed. And the center can help you with the cost of the birth; there are people who volunteer their time and resources. They can help you with baby clothes and baby supplies. Yes, jobs are hard to find right now, but that may well change for the better, so allow yourself to hope.

You said you want your baby. So don't have an abortion. Take care of yourself and your precious little one. We will be here for you, and we will pray for you.

Hugs,
Pat