Author:
Sharon
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Date Posted: 11/12/08 7:42pm
Jamie,
My heart goes out for you. My boyfriend threatened me with the same thing years ago. He offered to pay for the abortion and everything. I ended up not having an abortion (even though I had an appointment for one.) I am so incredibly grateful that I made that decision. Just two weeks ago, my son became a father! It's been an amazing and very fulfilling thing to watch my son become a father. Unlike his biological father, he is joyfully stepping up to the plate and giving his son devotion and love. I've been very impacted by the fact that the fate of both of those people, my son and now my grandson, rested in my hands at the time I made "my choice".
My boyfriend ended up leaving. (In fact, he's never seen his son - who's now 28 years old.) But, that turned out to not be such a bad thing. It would have been so much worse if I'd aborted to make him happy. I would have lived with regret. Plus, from my experience on this board, I've learned of many women who chose to have an abortion in to keep their boyfriend from leaving. Usually, he ends up leaving anyway. (An abortion puts a terrible stress on a relationship - there are all sorts of resentments and grief that are harbored that eat away at the intimacy and trust a relationship needs to flourish.) Then, when he leaves the woman is faced with the reality that not only does she not have her boyfriend, but she also aborted her own child. It's probably the most terrible regret a person can live with to know that they cannot undo that.
I've never known of a person regretting NOT having an abortion, but I've known of MANY people regretting having an abortion. True, it's not always the case. But, the chances are a lot greater if the woman feels she had to have the abortion for some external reason (boyfriend, husband, parents, job, school.)
As for finances, you'd be surprised at the number of resources available for women and children. Look into the WIC program (Women Infants and Children). It's through your county health nurse. It provides you with vouchers for good, healthy food while you're pregnant and then for a year after your baby is born if you decide to nurse. If you don't decide to nurse, it provides you with formula for a year! Plus it provides your little one with healthy food for the first five years of his or her life! It's an amazing program. It has a very high income ceiling, too (meaning you can make quite a bit of money and still qualify for it ;-) You might also be eligible for food stamps and energy assistance. Try contacting a crisis pregnancy center in your area. They often can put you in touch with the resources you need. (I actually found that I was somewhat better off financially WITH a child than I had been on my own!) And, don't feel guilty using these programs. That is exactly what they're there for.
Even if your boyfriend doesn't want to support you, he is legally liable to do so. You can decide how you deal with that. If he comes around in his thinking and supports you emotionally and financially own his own, great. (And, he very well may do that.) But, if he chooses to be leave, you might find that you're better off without him. You could also choose to insist on child support (which you'd have every legal right to do.) But, that is up to you. You don't have to decide right now how you're going to deal with that. Just don't let him intimidate or scare you. Boyfriends who feel "trapped" or scared that "you're wrecking their life" often can show their uglier side. If that's the case with your boyfriend, you might be glad this issue has brought his true colors to light.
Right now, your little one has only you to protect him or her. I'm going to be thinking about you and will say a prayer for you that you have strength and insight.
This is a good place to "vent". So, keep us posted on how you're doing.
Sharon
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