Re: Unplanned life change -- Unplanned Pregnancy Advice Board

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Wednesday, April 15, 19:22:08

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Subject: Re: Unplanned life change

Author:
Pat

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Date Posted: 11/12/08 7:52pm
In reply to: Jamie 's message, "Unplanned life change" on 11/12/08 3:23pm

Hi, Jamie,

If you have an abortion, it is most likely you will lose him anyway. You should never let someone else force you to go against your own heart and your own conscience. If you are at all typical, you will resent it, you will come to despise him for forcing you to do this.

The first thing I'd tell him is that it takes two to make a baby, so he has a lot of nerve blaming you for it. Doesn't he know where babies come from? WHO is wrecking his life? HE did when he put you at risk! He obviously took advantage of you.

There are resources available. Go here:

pregnancycenters.org

You can find a center in your area, which will help with your needs, to make sure you will be able to do it. They will counsel you as well.

The wisest thing you can do is choose to protect your baby, and then tell your "boyfriend" that it's your decision, not his, and you have made up your mind. You're not getting an abortion. It's settled, and you're not going to back down. Let him leave if he wants to. There are better men out there, and it has been our experience that women find a better man sooner or later. It might take a couple of years, but that's usually all it takes.

Your boyfriend may come around, or he may not. Most men don't really come around until the second trimester anyway, and by then, it's much more dangerous to have an abortion anyway, so by then, it usually is all over.

Abortion is dangerous. It could maim or kill you. It could make you vulnerable to suicidal thoughts, or careless with your life. It heightens your chance of dying a violent death in the year following. It also increases your chance of having a baby with a birth defect due to extreme prematurity and other causes, in the future, and your chance of getting breast cancer. It's an invasion of YOUR body, and you are the one who will have to live with the regrets and guilt. If you don't want an abortion, don't have one! It's not worth it. There are worse things than struggling. Not caring whether you live or die is one of them.

Take one day at a time. You are stronger than you think, and more resourceful.

Please come back any time you need to talk or ask questions.

Hugs,
Pat

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Re: Unplanned life change

Author:
Tracey (We're here for you!!!)
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Date Posted: 11/13/08 7:39am

Jamie~
First, I want to welcome you to our board! We're SO glad you found us! You have found a safe and supportive place here. I know right now you are scared and probably have a thousand different thoughts and emotions running through your head. But please remember, you are not alone! We are here to guide and help you. As far as your situation goes, this is a tough one, but not totally impossible. You are dealing with alot of stress and emotions right now and I think you're thinking that an abortion would just make it all go away. Unfortunately, that's usually not the case...abortion only robs women of their happiness and their chance of ever knowing their child. I think it's no mistake you found us...you are toying with the idea of abortion and if you were totally at peace with this decision, I don't think you'd be seeking advice. But something's telling you to find out more, seek help, get advice. I know you feel like this situation is hopeless, but I'm here to tell you it's not...so many women have careers or go to school and still continue in their pregnancies and have their babies! You sound like a strong woman who has goals and dreams and I truly don't think a baby's going to put an end to these dreams. My mother had three children and went to college while pregnant with me. She graduated and now has her Master's degree. She was able to create a loving, healthy, and happy environment for my brothers and I, as well as make her own dreams come true! You CAN do this, Jamie! You just have to set your mind toward your goal and be willing to seek help along the way. You are here and that's a big step! You're doing your research and asking for advice! That shows you already truly care about this little one! Jamie, we truly want to help you and I hope you will give us the opportunity to do so. I have to tell you, and I'm sure you already know this, but your boyfriend's reaction was nothing but selfish and absurd! If he TRULY loved you, he would be supportive and loving no matter what you decide! His demand that you abort or else is a real eye opener! I've seen MANY boyfriends and husbands demand this and the women have chosen to continue in the pregnancy and I have seen many of those men come around and just adore their children and become amazing fathers--I'm not promising this, but it is a possibility! Jamie, we hope to hear back from you! In the meantime, I will be praying for you and your boyfriend. I am praying for peace as you make this decision. Please keep us posted! If you need extra guidance, please let us know! We can help you locate a pregnancy center in your area that can offer you guidance and support as well. My e-mail is always open if you ever need to talk! :) Listen to your heart...you are already a mother...now it's just time to decide which path you want to go.
God bless,
Tracey