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Wednesday, April 15, 14:22:26

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Subject: College Student - Scared Author: Cassie [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 11/19/08 5:36pm Hi. I just found out I was pregnant about a week ago, I'm at about 6 weeks and 2 days from the ultrasound today. Needless to say I was shocked, I had been using the pill religiously. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and half. He's been really supportive and says he will support any decision I make. At first I thought abortion would be the 'easy way' out, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm scared, I know I want to put the baby up for adoption, but I'm scared. I'm scared to tell my parents, I just can't see their reaction, it'd be too hard. I'm afraid my boyfriend's parents will hate me forever. I just need advice on how to break the news to my parents. Please help. I feel so alone right now.. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: College Student - Scared Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/19/08 9:35pm Hi, Cassie, I'm glad you came! Thank you for deciding to protect your baby! As the adoptive mother of two and the adoptive grandmother of two, I will tell you that adoption is a good choice. It's difficult, but not half as difficult in the long run as abortion. Here is a page about telling your parents: www.pregnancycentre.org/talking_to_parents.php If you go to a crisis pregnancy agency, they can help you tell your parents as well. Your parents will most likely to be upset at first. You were, too. Give them time. Most of the time, parents are very supportive. I have been through this; I have a grandchild who was born out of wedlock. I love him just as much as the others. He is precious. Good luck with this! Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: College Student - Scared Author: Katie (scared) [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/25/09 4:33pm I am currently a college student in my freshman year. the only way i can afford to be here is on a swimming sholarship that i got. i am pretty sure that i am pregnant with my fiance but not 100% positive. i am scared to find out the truth and how to tell my parents. i finally started to get my life figured out and back on track by getting this scholarship and goin to college. i am only 18 and dont want to have to drop out. i am prolife and dont want to have an abortion but i dont no what to do right now. i cant afford to lose my scholarship and not graduate. we hardly have any money and it will be very hard to support a baby on our budget. i need guidence and someone to talk to. please help! Katie

[> [> [> Subject: Re: College Student - Scared Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/25/09 11:10pm Hi Katie, I cannot tell you necessarily what will happen next, but as the saying sometimes goes, where there is a will, there is a way. There is a lot of truth to it. When you say you are pretty sure you are pregnant with your fiance, does this mean you are pretty sure he's the father, or pretty sure that you are pregnant? If it is the latter (not positive about pregnancy) then the first thing is to definitely find out for sure and have a pregnancy test done. You can do this without charge through a local Crisis Pregnancy Center (let me know if I can help you locate one)or fairly inexpensively by just purchasing a test. If you are definitely pregnant, I would also recommend that you contact, The Nurturing Network. Their program is geared specifically for college and career women. 1-800-TNN-4MOM http://nurturingnetwork.org/ Anyway, the best way to deal with the fear is to just find out all of the resources you can that are available to you and going from there. You have a little bit of time to plan yet. If I can be of any help, please let me know.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: College Student - Scared Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/25/09 11:23pm Hi, Katie, I can certainly understand your fears. And if you are pro-life, the last thing you should even consider is abortion. Seriously. It would cause severe harm emotionally and spiritually, and could also cause severe physical and medical harm, including the possibility of killing you or rendering you severely disabled. The first thing you should do is go to a crisis pregnancy agency. You can find one in your area by going here: pregnancycenters.org They can help you work out a way to stay in school. You probably can get a Pell grant, for instance. And check at your college to see if they have a College Outreach Program. This is a program which is sponsored by Feminists for Life, which provides resources to college students, including housing and medical care. Perhaps once your baby is born (if you are pregnant), you can get back on your scholarship. Check into it. Telling your parents is hard. But the crisis pregnancy agency can help you with that, too. You might want to write a letter, or talk to the parent you think will be most supportive, first. They can also send someone with you when you tell them. Please keep us informed as to what is happening with you. Also, please know that it is normal for a woman to reject being pregnant in the first trimester, even if she wants a baby. It's hormones. You can finish your education with a baby. How do I know? Because I did it. In fact, I had four children when I got my degree, three of them preschoolers. The important thing is to make the resolve, take one day at a time, and hang in there. You are a lot stronger than you think. You'll be in our prayers. Hugs, Pat

[> [> [> Subject: Re: College Student - Scared Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/26/09 1:13pm Katie, One of the main indicators of whether or not a woman will regret having had an abortion is whether or not she feels she was "pressured" into it - either by her boyfriend, husband, parents, or through circumstances (like school, work, or not enough money.) I truly feel you should follow what in your heart you know to be true: if you are pregnant, this is your first child. This is a little person who is depending upon you to nurture and love him or her. True, it might not be easy. But, it will most certainly be worth it. A number of things come to mind: First, it seems it would be discriminatory for the school to withhold your scholarship because of pregnancy. If you didn't want to have an abortion and the school made it come down to "have an abortion or lose your scholarship", I'm sure you could take that up with the administration and point out how very bad it would look for them to follow through on something like that. Second, things always seem darkest just before the dawn. There are a number of resources out there for young mothers. And, even if you needed to take a semester off (you probably would be able to continue competitive swimming through the early part of the pregnancy), you sound like the kind of person who would not let that stop them from completing everything the following semester. I got pregnant during college. I took off one semester and it ended up taking a total of 5 years to graduate. But, it was absolutely worth it. I have no regrets. In fact, I can guarantee you won't regret having your baby, but there is a very strong possibility you will regret having an abortion. And, at that point, there will be nothing you can do to go back and change it... Sharon

[> Subject: Re: College Student - Scared Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/20/08 9:49am Hi Cassie, Thanks for posting. I hope the support we offer helps at least a little. We do understand many of your feelings. It makes perfect sense to be scared. And telling people (especially parents) is one of the scariest parts. But many things are scarier to think about than they actually are when you just do it. Your parents are most likely going to have a negative reaction. They are going to be disappointed and they may even worry about how this will look to their family and friends. They will probably worry about your future and wonder how this is going to affect your chance for success. BUT, this is an initial reaction. Most often feelings change over time. It's best to have somewhat of a plan before sharing your news. I see that you said you know you want to place the baby for adoption. May I be so bold as to say that you should take more time to make that decision? It's normal to look for ways OUT, and adoption is a very good choice if that decision isn't based on fear. But right now you are definitely in FEAR-mode. Many college students automatically think they would never be able to finish school if they have a baby, but this is simply not true. Please give yourself time to come to such a decision. You have plenty of time! So my advice would be to visit the crisis pregnancy center and see what resources they have available if you decided to keep the baby. When you approach your parents you can tell them that you are considering adoption. Let them know that you're looking into what would be best. Show them that you are taking your time to research both options. Offer to hear their opinions, but in the end the decision is yours to make. Please continue to post and let us know how things are going. Take care, Shellie