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Wednesday, April 15, 12:42:00

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Subject: Unplanned, scared, and hoping for advice Author: Larissa (scared) [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 02/10/08 8:43am Well, where to start... I'm 38, not divorced from the ex I separated from seven years ago, and pregnant by a man I've been dating a month and a half. I'm only about three weeks along, but I know that abortion or adoption aren't options for me. So, I'm pregnant for the duration. I had a miscarriage about 12 years ago, so I'm nervous about that while I'm scared about carrying to term. I found out Friday afternoon, and the two OB/GYN's my primary care physician referred me to were closed when I was done, so I'm going to make an appointment on Monday. I told my boyfriend yesterday, by phone because he flipped when I said I needed to talk to him in person. I had given up on hearing back from him yesterday, but he showed up at midnight, unexpectedly; and was calmer than I am. He said he knows it's not my fault - I was the one pushing him to wear a condom every time, and he's the one who removed it, but pulled out, which I said not to do again. He also said he knows I didn't plan it, so at least I don't have to worry about blame. He's 47 with a 13 year old, and thankfully is a responsible adult with a good job. I'm scared, not in a financial situation to be able to afford a child, and not emotionally ready to give my lifestyle up, but I will do it. I've always wanted a child, and had almost given up. Seeing my friends with babies actually makes my heart ache, so I know that I've been given a gift whether I'm ready for it or not. I'm scared this could ruin my new relationship, but Jesse has been interested in me for several years, so I hope that helps him stick around. I was the fool who didn't see him, and now I'm having his baby. Kinda crazy. Anyways, I guess I'm looking for some words of support. I'm scared, excited, and confused. Thanks in advance for any responses. Larissa [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned, scared, and hoping for advice Author: Shellie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/10/08 12:15pm Hi Larissa, Thanks for posting here. I hope you will find the support you need. An unplanned pregnancy can be scary and make you feel so alone in the world. So my wish for you is for you to have a place to come to share your concerns. The good news is; you have several months to prepare. And because you've already chosen to continue your pregnancy, you don't have to worry about the "what am I going to do" stage. You can focus on how you're going to make it work....and it will work! I know it's scary to wonder how you'll afford it, but you'll see that things just tend to work out. I'd be happy to offer some practical advice, but just wanted to send you a quick note to let you know I've seen your message and I'm here for you. Post as often as you like! Take care, Shellie

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned, scared, and hoping for advice Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/10/08 12:32pm Hi, Larissa, First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! It's not unusual for a woman to feel like you do when she learns she's pregnant, even when she WANTS to have a baby and has been trying to have one. Among other things, the hormones of early pregnancy do that. We women are pregnant for nine months for a reason. It gives us time to prepare for the baby on the outside. You also have time to deal with the financial issues. You may find it helpful to go to a crisis pregnancy agency, because they can often help you find a better financial situation, or provide other help. You can find one in your phone book under Abortion Alternatives, or you can go here: www.pregnancycenters.org . Because of your age, some doctors will try to put scare stories in your head. Don't let them get to you. If you find one like that, look for someone else. I also encourage you to find a doctor who will help you give birth naturally, because you both will be much better off. You can often find out who the good doctors are by talking to the mothers in La Leche League. Also, you can get recommendations from the pregnancy center near you. To help with the financial issues, I encourage you to breastfeed. It is much less expensive, and much better for your baby. And it also means fewer doctor bills. Small babies don't require a lot of fancy stuff, and there is often a charity that will help provide diapers. As far as your boyfriend is concerned, you'll just have to see how he acts. Nothing is cast in stone, but my hope is for the best for you. You are really lucky that he is so supportive. That's rare. You are about to embark on one of the most wonderful adventures a woman ever experiences. My thoughts go with you. Come here any time you need to vent or have questions, or just want to talk. Hugs, Pat

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned, scared, and hoping for advice Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/11/08 11:49am Congratulations! Even thought some of the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy might be difficult right now, the reality is - like you said - this little person is a gift! I hope your boyfriend continues to support you, but even if he doesn't, you'll be ok. I'll try to post more later, but I wanted to quickly drop you a note encouraging you to give in to the joy you want to feel about this pregnancy! Sharon

[> Subject: Thanks to all three of you, and a small update. Author: Larissa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/12/08 4:13pm I appreciate the responses and support. I'm still a mess - the Daddy hasn't been in touch much this week, and as hormonal as I am, I'm freaking out a bit. I don't know how I'm going to be able to do this alone, though I still wouldn't consider abortion. I asked a co-worker about the cost of adding his son to his healthcare, and it went from $60 a month to $440 a month just to add a child! What the heck?!!? I don't know how I'll be able to swing that, which is a big concern for me. On the positive side, I have an appointment with my OB on the 20th (they wouldn't see me any sooner because it's so early), and have started taking OTC prenatal vitamins in the interim. Thanks again for the kind words, I appreciate them. Larissa

[> [> Subject: Re: Thanks to all three of you, and a small update. Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/13/08 8:52pm Hi, Larissa, This is tough, I know, but try to take one day at a time. Good that you are trying to deal with it. As far as healthcare is concerned, here's a place where I think the crisis pregnancy agency should be of help. There's no reason I can see that you should have to pay that kind of money for a child. Children are usually healthy! You might want to give careful thought to the routine medical care that would be expected of you, particularly immunizations. Do some research online. They can cause all kinds of serious and permanent problems. Obviously, you will have to decide what kind of care your want your child to receive, but I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the high cost of care. Also, there are public programs for some children, that you can look into. Good luck to you! We'll continue to be here for you. It does sound like you are dealing with it, as difficult as it is. And you're very welcome. Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: Thanks to all three of you, and a small update. Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/14/08 7:41am Larissa, You should look into your state's child health care medical program. I believe all states have a version of C.H.I.P.s (Children's Health Insurance Program) that's specifically designed to provide children and teens with health insurance if their families make too much to qualify for Medicaid but too little to be able to afford regular health insurance. I'd suggest calling your County Health Nurse. They'd probably know how to go about applying. Also, be SURE to apply for WIC (Women Infants and Children), a voucher program for pregnant women and their children through age 5. It provides you with vouchers for free nutritious food such as milk, cheese, eggs, peanut butter, iron-fortified cereal, beans, and juice. It's a WONDERFUL program and will really help out. Plus, the income ceiling is very high (you can make quite a bit of money and still qualify for the program!) That's through your County Health Nurse, also. Plus, it will provide you with healthy food for a year after your little one is born if you choose to nurse or will provide your baby with formula for a year if you don't choose to nurse. It will also provide your little one with nutritious food (cereal, baby food, juice, etc.) until he or she is 5! It really helped me when I was pregnant. It frees up the rest of your budget to go to other necessary things. Hang in there ;-) Sharon

[> [> Subject: Re: Thanks to all three of you, and a small update. Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/14/08 8:36am Hi Larissa, I agree with the other women who have posted, and also wanted to add that I think you're doing a great job responding to your unplanned pregnancy! Regarding the health insurance jump to add a child, that sounds pretty out there. Did you ask if she has a unique plan or circumstances? Typically the mainline providers will cover a mother and child for under $200/month. $440/mo sounds like what one would pay to include and entire family. Regardless, don't let health care costs stress you out; there are always venues in our country to make sure children get the health care they need. I'm sorry the dad has been quiet this week; maybe he is processing? Take good care of yourself! Heather

[> Subject: Re: Unplanned, scared, and hoping for advice Author: Lori [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 02/15/08 7:35am Hi Larissa, First let me say welcome.. I have been away from this board for a while but I saw your post and just wanted to respond and give you some words of encouragement. I agree with Heather that the health insurance jump does seem very high. Have you considered medicaid? Most states offer medicaid to pregnant women for prenatal care. I know my state has a program, I think its called the baby love program and it entitles all women who are pregnant who do not have insurace coverage or affordable coverage to use medicaid assistance. Also, under this plan your child would be covered usually for the first year of its life. Just a thought.. maybe its something you can look into. I know you feel like your riding on a emotional rollercoaster right now with all of the hormones but please know that were all here for you. If you ever need to talk feel free to email me any time. Your in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless, Lori