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Wednesday, April 15, 17:42:07

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Subject: prego blues Author: Mary [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 12/27/06 10:21pm Hi Everyone. Just wanted to say hello. Oh and I need a place to spill my guts again. I guess I'm just having one of those days. I am committed to my pregnancy and I love my tiny baby but I am sooo depressed. I don't think I love the father of the baby. In anycase I don't think I will be able to rely on him after my child is born. Thinking about adoption makes me cry. Thinking about staying with the father indefinitely makes me panic. I feel so alone and hopeless. What am I doing with my life?? My childhood best friend is getting married next week. I don't know if I can go to the wedding and face all those people. I don't want to hear how successful and happy they are and then have to tell them that I'm single and pregnant. I'm so disapointed. This just isn't what I wanted for my life. I looked around the web tonight @ sites for single parents and birthmothers ect. Truthfully I didn't find any encouragement. I cant stop crying. The new year looks pretty bleak for me. I got maternity clothes for Chrismas as if to punctuate the fact that all I have to look forward to in the next few months is getting fat. My finances are a mess (so is my apartment) My tuition is overdue. My "friends" are disappearing. The only one I can count on right now is my dog. I need to stay organized; I have so many important decisions to make and people and things that need my attention, but my coping skills have flown out the window. I just feel like I cant do this another minute. I am drowning. If anyone has a little encouragement I am in sore need. Thanks Ladies. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: prego blues Author: Luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/28/06 7:51pm Hi Mary, I have been in your position feeling similar things more than once before so i very much understand what you're feeling. One of the worst things you can do though is beat yourself up for how you feel or your current situation. Things happen in life for various reasons and not all of them are in our control, what is in your control is how you respond to what life throws at you. You are having an unplanned but much loved baby. From what i can tell you are dealing with your circumstances admirably and thats something to be very proud of. You didn't sell out to your worst fears (which are often far worse in your imagination than they often turn out to be). You didn't flush your baby away and go against your natural instincts as a mother effectively betraying both yourself and your unborn child either. Yes you're single but it's not the end of the world honestly especially if the alternative is feeling miserable and trapped with a man that you don't love. Can i ask how far along in your pregnancy you are? There will be hard times like now but also happy ones i can garuntee that. I guess the main thing right now is that you embrace your current situation (celebrate it even) because having a child is really a wonderful thing. It's just that right now you're in some ways only dealing with the idea of single parenthood in theory, you haven't had your baby yet and held him or her in your arms. So right now it can seem much worse a predicament than it is because it's just you and your thoughts/shock/fear and a growing belly. I am currently less than a week away from having my baby (also unplanned) to a man who is verbally abusive towards me and does not love me or want me or the baby.Although now that he can't threaten me into having an abortion any longer he has decided that he wants something to do with our child but continues to abuse me verbally in front of our other children. Thank your lucky stars that your baby father may not be so horrid. My babys father got another woman pregnant and she had her baby a couple of months ago. I have had times when i thought what the hell am i doing?! But ultimately i am happy to be having my baby.I guess to some people it didn't seem like a smart move but i just had a sense of calm this time that told me it was going to be ok and i am trusting my gut feelings more these days and so far they haven't led me astray. I have done things differently this time round by taking better care of myself physically. Also making the ocassional appointment with a beauty therapist has done wonders for my morale. Maternity clothes are really cute now and most of the time i have gotten away with wearing clothes a size or two bigger during my entire pregnancy incuding right now. I do suggest investing in some good maternity pants though as thats the one thing i really did need. As you can imagine a growing baby belly won't accomodate normal pants after a certain amount of time. But things like dresses that have an empire line cut look really nice on a pregnant woman and they have been my staple clothing item. Don't think of yourself as getting fat because it's not fat you're growing a baby, it's so awsomely beautiful and feminine! I also have a dog :) :) :) I really smiled when i read that you have one that never lets you down, that's wonderful. If your friends are dissapearing then they aren't true friends. Maybe it's time you joined a single parents group. Where i am from i have been able to find support groups with other single pregnant women so hopefully you may be able to find friends through something similar in your own area (?). Remmeber too that your hormones are going wild right now which makes it diffuclt to keep things in perspective at times. With every pregnancy i have had except this one i was a worrying wreck. You're going to be ok, try to ride these (temporary) feelings out, better times are ahead.

[> [> Subject: Re: prego blues Author: Mary [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/06 2:57pm Thanks for the heartfelt encouragement. A little online support makes a world of difference in my life. And yes, I was certainly on a hormone binge when I wrote that first post. Sometimes when I get like that it is hard to see how much I do have to be thankful for. I have a lot more resources than many women in my situation. I am capable of doing this (I hope). In answer to Luka'a question: I am only 13.6 weeks. I keep wondering when I will start getting a big round belly. Just recently I have been able to discern sublte differences in my abdomen. Its exciting and scary. Sometimes I just want to hold and rock my tiny baby and other times I am in a panic. Pregnancy, labor, a newborn? Terrifying! I cant imagine myself as a mother! I guess I just need to calm down and focus on taking care of myself and my responsibilities on a daily basis. I swear though, being able to talk (even indirectly) to other women and other mothers makes me feel so much more sane. I really appreciate the support. Thanks again, happy new year to all!

[> Subject: Re: prego blues Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/28/06 8:25pm Hi Mary, I'm so sorry dear! And I deeply empathize. I, usually one fairly adept with problem solving and multi-tasking, found my coping skills had gone so far south during pregnancy (each of them!) that I gave up trying to do simple things like go grocery shopping without a list, as I always have sans pregnancy hormones. I found that I just felt so much more vulnerable. This had a bright side in the flood of kindness and tenderness I felt for everything but the downside was definitely the sense of intense vulnerability. You obviously have a lot of external factors that would challenge even the non-hormonal, so I know it's not all explained by that. It's hard to have a child with man you aren't committed to for life in your heart. The other stressors you mentioned are likely not wearing on you as much as this, but definitely do well to compound things. Finances can be extremely distressing and a messy living space is bad for the morale. I know; I just wasn't able to keep my place up well while pregnant and 'distracted' either. I don't have answers to the bigger questions, I'm afraid, though I wish I did. I will however offer my 'cyber support' and let you know that there's a woman out in California who is thinking of you and definitely praying. Hang in there, there is so much hope; it's just hard to see right now. Seasons change when we very least expect it and the same God who made us and the little one inside you knows even better than you know yourself all that lies ahead. I'm glad you have a supportive dog. Loyal pets are a huge earthly blessing I've benefitted from much myself, too. Hugs and more hugs, and GET REST! Love, Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: prego blues Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/29/06 6:52pm Ahh so almost 14 weeks. Well then i have some great news for you :) In about a month you should start feeling your baby moving inside of you and what an awsome feeling it is! That's one thing to look forward to, it makes your little one feel so much more real. I am sure that once you start to feel your baby moving you will feel this profound love for him or her and feel even more committed and glad that you chose to keep your baby. It's one of the most precious moments for a mother to feel her baby moving inside of her for the first time espcicially when it's your first. Any time soon your hormones should settle down somewhat as at the stage of pregnancy you are at the placenta begins to take over producion of hormones. I think from around 16 weeks when you start to show a little more but aren't feeling uncomfortable is one of the best times of a pregnancy. I have a big round belly right now, trust me you'll be huge before you know it and feeling uncomfortable to boot! lol. Please continue to post whenever you feel the need :) I really enjoy talking to other women in a smimilar situiation as mine as well. It really does help to not feel so alone in what you're going through.

[> [> [> Subject: Re: prego blues Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 12/31/06 11:26am Luka, When is your due date again? I know it's getting close. I've been thinking about you a lot lately! Heather

[> [> [> [> Subject: Re: prego blues Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 01/ 1/07 3:42pm Very, very soon! :) I have emailed you.