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Subject: im freaking out!! Author: SabrinaLee [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 11/ 6/06 9:31am hi all... i dont know what to write here, but like the title says, im FREAKING right out. im 22 and am very sure that im pregnant, im just waiting for the official confirmation. the father, already has a child with a woman that he didnt stay with. he sees his first child, but openly told me that he cant deal with another one... and he and i, it sounds bad, but we arent really even dating. i dont have the best feelings for him, he's a nice guy. but the last person i wanted to have a baby with... oh my god, i feel like i messed up so bad. and i dont know what i should do, i mean, maybe im just looking for advice and support even tho i dont know any of you. i must sound like a real freak... im only 22, and yes i know ppl have had babies earlier than me. but i just moved 8 hours from home and have no support except for one cousin here. and my dad will be so mad, and the rest of my family very disappointed... im starting school in january and even if i finish my first semester, i wont be able to go back in september b/c my baby will only be like 3 mos old and no day care's take babies that young. what do i do?! i work and can support my baby, but i need to go to school cause my job isnt that great... ahhhhhhhhhhh... help :( [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

[> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Lisa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 7/06 1:08pm Hello there! Welcome to the baord. First things first, you need to get a test. You might be worried for no reason. You need to know if you are indeed pregnant. So my first advice is to get a test. They are rather inexpensive in the stores, and even come in generic. Or you could get a free one. I am not sure where you live, but there are a lot of places that offer free testing. Once you know for sure, then we can help you with further resources. One thing I wanted to add, daycare's take babies at 6 weeks of age. So do not fret yet...and even if you are pregnant, you might not have as much to fret about as you think! Let us know once you take the test! Good luck! Lisa

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: SabrinaLee [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 8/06 6:22am well. i took the test, and im pregnant. i've researched my area and all of the day care's i can find only take babies 6 mos+ .....................................

[> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Pat [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 8/06 4:41am Hi, Sabrina Lee! If the father feels the way he says he does, I'd just distance myself from him if I were you, especially since you don't have particular feelings for him. Even though you don't welcome being pregnant and it looks difficult, you CAN do it. How do I know? Because I did it! I got a college degree after I had four children, three of them preschoolers. I did have to find day care for one so I could go to class, but he was only there a few hours a week, and I also found a babysitter for another child, which amounted to about three hours a week, considering she lived very close to where my class was. You'd have to find someone you can trust. That may be harder now than it was back when I was going to school, but it's not impossible! And yes, like you, I was 22 when I had my first child. I always looked on my own mother as being exceptionally capable, so imagine how surprised I was when she told me she had no idea how to take care of me when I was born! But she did very well (maybe even a lot better than I did, who knows?) All my kids are grown now, and they're doing just fine. Your family will undoubtedly be upset at first. And they have as much right to be as you are. But almost always, they come around and become supportive. Give them time. The hardest part will probably be telling them. You can get some help from your local crisis pregnancy agency. To find one, go here: www.pregnancycenters.org You can also get online counseling from them. Good luck. You'll be OK. We women are pregnant nine months for a reason. It's so we have time to prepare. You will be ready by the time your baby is born. Hugs, Pat

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Lisa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 8/06 9:49am If you feel more comfortable, send one of us a personal email and we can check out the resources in your area. I have never heard of any area only taking babies from 6 months on. I live in a large metro area, but have lived in small ones too. Every day care I went to and called took babies in at 6 weeks and up. Either way, this is not something that you need to worry about right now. First things first, you should find out how far along you are in your pregnancy. There are many places that you can go for this. I think Melanie placed a link for you on her post. Let us know how you are doing! You have a lot of time, like Melanie said, we are pregnant for nine months for a reason! Lisa

[> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: SabrinaLee [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 8/06 10:59am hi there.. well thank you for your advice and support.. even tho i dont know you, you dont know how helpful it is :) i've been so scared and down. i checked out the website and that gave me more hope too! i dont know when im going to tell my dad, he's the most important person to me, along with my younger brother (my mother left us when i was 3, so i dont know who she is..) im scared he'll stop talking to me, and he very well might. hopefully, he'll get over it quick-ish.. i have to tell my cousin, very soon!, cause i live with her... im so scared about it all.. im sure you felt the same as i do, Pat... and a lot of others on here too! i have a question... im getting crazy stomach cramps every day, but no bleeding.. im searching about my symptoms, but i dont know what this is... is this normal? i have a doctors appt soon, but im just concerned.. from what i read, it could be something stretching getting ready for the baby.. has anyone else felt this when they were pregnant? thank you so much again!

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Lisa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 9/06 5:28am Hi there, When I was pregnant, I did feel the ligament stretching, but I do not think I felt that until I was farther along. I do not know how far along you are. Do you have any idea? When is your dr appt, you might want to make one sooner! Telling the family (no matter which family member it is) always seems like the hardest. I can almost guarantee you that they will come around even if they are initially upset. As I stated before, it is normal and expected to be afraid of the unknown. For as much as you are afraid, that is how your family will react initially. Let us know about your dr appt! Lisa

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/ 9/06 2:33pm Don't worry too much it's normal. Your babys placenta is busy forming and burrowing into youtr uterine lining which can cause mild period type pains + if you have any brief sharp pains on one or both sides that is indeed ligament pain. I have had this pain before i got a positive pregnancy test so it's not too early to feel those. These days i am still having that pain lol but my uterus is very big now, so you can expect more of that later on in your pregnancy as well.

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/10/06 1:07am Hi Sabrina, The sooner you tell the people you feel need to know about your pregnancy, the better you will probably feel. That is very stressful for a lot of women early on. Most of the time they take it better than expected. Just decide ahead of time NOT to take the initial reaction personally. Anger and fear are pretty closely connected, so that can come into play, but it doesn't come into play as often as most women imagine. Even if your dad is upset at first, more than likely he will be talking to you by the time the baby is born. Grandchildren are, after all, difficult to resist. :) While there are always exceptions, most of the time parents to not react quite as strongly as most women expect. Either way, the sooner you get it over with, the sooner everyone can start sorting through what happens next and the sooner you can experience the relief of knowing that part is over with. If you need help with any resources, please feel free to contact me and I'll do whatever I can to help. --Melanie P.S. The "cramping" feeling early on is normal for a lot of women.

[> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/10/06 11:01am Sabrina, Have you thought about the possibility of adoption? I have a friend who chose to place her baby with an adoptive family (there are MANY people out there waiting to provide little ones with a loving family.) She chose to go the "open adoption" route (which is where the birth-mother gets to meet and know the adoptive parents and then gets to play a role in her baby's life as he or she grows up. That role varies from situation to situation, but it might be as little as sending a birthday card once a year to as much as regularly visiting and maybe even babysitting for your little one. Also, be sure to look into the WIC program (through your County Health Nurse). It offers vouchers for you for lots of healthy food, like juice, milk, eggs, peanut butter, beans, iron-fortified cereal, etc. (makes me hungry just listing them ;-) Take good care of yourself. Get plenty of rest. And, I agree with the other posters, while it seems very hard before you do it, once you tell your family you might be surprised at their support. (If they're not supportive, you may need to share information about things like fetal development with them in order for them to realize that the little one inside you already has a heart that's beating (that happens at about 18 days), all of his or her little organs (they're all in place by 10 weeks), tiny fingers and toes (again, that's by 8-10 weeks.) It's absolutely amazing. Planned Parenthood and the culture at large want us to thinkg that "it's" a "mass of cells" or a "blob of tissue", but he or she is SO much more than that. Hang in there. I'll say a prayer for you. Sharon P.S. If you want to read my personal story of almost aborting my first child, it's at: Augustana Life Alliance. Click the link to "Sharon Gray's Story". You might also click the "LifeLinks" link for lots of information about things like fetal development, crisis pregnancy centers, and adoption.

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: luka [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/12/06 9:51pm Good luck telling your father don't be too concerned if he freaks initially he will most likely come around :) I've been through the whole thing of being begged to abort by various people but stuck to my decision. Even as your baby has a beating heart even if he/she didn't yet i stil thought of my baby as 'my baby' the moment i knew because thats exactly what he is. Only a violent surgical intervention of his continuing development/survival would prevent him from grwoing into his perfectly formed babyness :)

[> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: SabrinaLee [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/12/06 6:18am hey all... just wanted to let you know that my appt is on wednesday... so i'll be going there and asking the dr for some help... i need to know about day care's cause i was just accepted to college... :) im now starting to get excited about the baby. i saw the father and talked to him and he is upset, trying to convice me to get an abortion. i'll be talking to my dad after my appt with the dr... wish me luck!

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Lisa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/12/06 11:07pm Hey SabrinaLee! That is great news. Good luck at your appt and let us know what you find out there. You should be able to get a good idea of how far along you are. Do not worry about the baby's father right now. You need to concentrate on yourself and your baby. I am sure your Dad will have some shock and some other initial feelings. As I said before, I was 34 when I got pregnant and 35 when I had my daughter 3 years ago. My Dad was mad and even yelled at me. But he came around even before she was born and now she is the light of his life. My Dad just turned 71 and she is his only grandchild. He adores her. Good luck at the appt and let us know what happens! Lisa

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/13/06 10:18pm Hi SabrinaLee, I'm a little late into the thread, but wanted to wish you congratulations on your baby. I'm glad you have overcome the hurdle and have peace and resolve about your decision to keep the little one. That's often the hardest part! I've yet to meet a woman who decided to keep a baby that was unplanned and regrets doing so. You're in for an adventure with ups and downs, but far more ups, in my opinion. Congratulations, too, on getting accepted into a college! Hard work went behind that I'm excited for you. I do believe the same God who made you and your little one is also able to carry you through the months and years ahead with the amount of grace you need each day to live in peace. I hope you'll continue keeping updates posted! With Kindness, Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Heather [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/13/06 10:25pm I forgot to add that I agree wholeheartedly with Lisa about not worrying about the father right now. The odds are considerably in favor of him eventually coming around to be supportive of this new little person, but regardless your primary concern should be your well-being and following your instincts of what you know is right. If it's of any help, one book I found to be a lifesaver during my pregnancies was a well known one called, "What to Expect When You're Expecting." It answers every conceivable question a pregnant woman could have at every step of the way. I'd also recommend taking a prenatal vitamin as right now your little one is growing a mile a minute. Heather

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/17/06 2:50pm SabrinaLee~ Hello and welcome to our board! I have to apologize for not being around lately! I have four little ones and they have all had the flu all week on top of my oldest, Logan, has croup! Yikes! Thank God it's all over! :) First, I want to congratulate you! I know you are probably over-whelmed right now but try and remember that's why God gave us 9 months to plan! ;) I know the baby's father isn't being all that supportive right now, but hopefully he'll come around. Most often it takes men alot longer to come to terms with the fact that they are going to be a father...sometimes until they see that little one in the flesh. Just give him some time...you have to remember that guys don't bond like we, as women do right away. Mostly because we are this little one's home. They are growing right beneath our hearts. We feel the flutters and the first kicks and near the end, the punches! ;) As far as daycare goes, where do you live? I can try and do research in your area and let you know if I find something. Keep us posted and let us know how your Dr. appt. went! God bless, Tracey

[> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: SabrinaLee [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/19/06 9:18pm hey all! i wanted to tell you guys that the dr appt went well. i called my dr back home (cause i needed to have my records sent over) and he seemed shocked when i got to talk to him, cause he had told me that it would be difficult for me to get pregnant in the first place :| anyway, the dr here said everything should be fine. i've made some appointments with a clinic here as well. my dad took the news well, actually. im surprised, but SO happy! i still have a few other ppl to tell... but my dad was teh one i was most concerned about... he still doesnt know that the father is the way he is... he might freak about that im still a little worried about school and day care... i talked to the father and he was telling me that i should get this needle as long as im less than 6 weeks pregnant, which i guess induces a miscarriage. i told him my views and beliefs. he told me that it wasnt the "right" step for us. and then he "need{ed} a few days to think."... i havent heard from him since, its been over a week. i just wonder if he'll ever contact me at all... either way, maybe its better that i cut myself off from him completely just b/c he's not helping with anything, as far as some emotional support goes. he already has a child and this was his main reason for wanting me to get an abortion... i thought about it, and i just cant... apparently the mother of his first child had a couple of abortions before she decided to birth Mats (their son)... hey i'm pro choice, but i personally cannot do it. to each their own, i say im getting into a lot of details for y'all! sorry!!! i tend to blab... i might come on here more often just to update you guys and get some advice... knock on wood, no morning sickness yet! :D but im sooooooo tired! i wanted to thank EACH of you for all your support and advice!! thank you so so so so much! and tracey, i hope all of your little ones are doing better :) talk to you guys later!! xo SabrinaLee

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Tracey [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/21/06 5:27am SabrinaLee~ Hey mama! Glad to hear you broke the news to your father! What a relief! I'm so glad he responded so well! I'm sure you feel much better! As far as your your baby's father, I would just keep my distance from him. He sounds like he needs a bit of growing up to do. Plus, you don't need that added stress. He's only acting selfish and thinking about how this is going to effect him without considering your feelings or the life of his unborn child. Glad to hear you made appointments with a clinic as well. If you need any extra resources, let us know. Crisis Pregnancy Centers can be SO helpful in finding that extra help! If you would like some clinics in your area, let us know. We just need your state and closest city. SabrinaLee, feel free to come here as often as you like. We enjoy reading your updates and promise to support and offer advice whenever you need it! Hopefully, you won't get that morning sickness! I had it with all four of mine(see pic at top of page-I need to update it). In the meantime, I'll be praying for you and your little one! I'm also praying for the daycare situation. Have a wonderful day, honey! God bless, Tracey

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Sharon [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/21/06 8:44am Hey...WOW!!!! This is so exciting. I am SO happy for you. You will NEVER regret not having an abortion. I can promise you that from personal experience. I've got to tell you that I'm writing with tears in my eyes right now. I was in college when I got pregnant. My boyfriend wanted me to abort. I didn't. He left my life. But, I have my incredible, loving, awesome, funny, smart, loyal, dear son - who's going to be 27 Dec. 8!!!!! I am SO grateful that I didn't do something against my heart just to please my boyfriend and possibly keep him around (in retrospect I know he would have left anyway and I would have been in the same boat as so many other women.) I loved him, but he wasn't worth killing my son for. That sounds blunt...and it didn't feel as stark as that at the time - it felt like maybe I would be doing it for both of us somehow (having an abortion), but I, like you, knew I just couldn't do it. Now that I look back, I realize he was asking me to snuff out the very existence of this precious human being to make HIS life easier. A horribly chilling thought. I would have lived with killing my child AND losing him. I can't imagine the emotional hell that would have been. Anyway, as fate would have it, as I'm reading your message Harry Chapin's song, "Taxi" is playing the background. That song was one I specifically remember listening to while I was pregnant and trying to go to school (I got pregnant my freshman year of college at Univ. of Missouri- Kansas City. I finished that degree and ended up getting my masters, too! ;-) So, listening to that song and reading about what you're going through...it's very powerful. I truly feel we are cross people's paths for a reason. I want you to know that I will help you in any way I can. What college/university are you going to? If they DON'T have daycare at the institution, we can work with Feminists for Life to try to help them get one started in time for you! (That's one of the goals Feminists for Life have - to make sure that ALL colleges and universities have daycare programs and support for pregnant and mothering students, since college students are the at the highest risk of abortion. There's been a 30% reduction in the number of abortions among college-age women since they started this outreach in 1994) Take time to simply be by yourself and sense your prcious little one inside you. It is a very special time. God bless you. Sharon

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Lisa [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/23/06 2:41am Hi SabrinaLee, I did not see in your post how far along you are? I am sure that was one of the first things they told you. It appears from your post that the babys father mentioned you being less than 6 weeks, if so then you must have not had a first ultraound? Well, keep on being positive. I did not get the morning sickness until I was about 8 weeks, but when I did, it was a doozy. It can cause weight loss initially. It did for me. Come back and let us know how far along you are and how things are going. You have a lot of time to get things settled. Sorry to hear about the babys dad's bad attitude. I hope he changes it. Glad to hear your Dad took the news well. It is hard to resist a grandchild! Happy Thanksgiving! Lisa

[> [> Subject: Re: im freaking out!! Author: Melanie [ Edit | View ] Date Posted: 11/23/06 2:56am I'm glad to hear that your appointment went well and that your father took the news well. Congratulations on telling your father and on your pregnancy, too! :) It's always possible the baby's father could come around, sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. If he doesn't then it is his loss, imho. Please do come back and keep us posted. :)