The Lament.... -- Chan Is Missing

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Date Posted: 20:22:38 02/08/02 Fri
Author: V-Dawg
Subject: The Lament....

Oww, my ass hurts.

Yep, there is nothing like a good cornholing on the highway. Usually when I travel to Westwood for work (for those who are unfamiliar with area, Westwood is on the South Shore area near Boston, near the bottom of the famed 95/128 stretch), the commute is okay. Granted I live in the boondocks, but the ride home is usually only about 1 hour and 15 minutes. However, Thursday and Friday, the commute extends to roughly 2 and a half hours. I left work at 5:05 and just walked in the door at 7:20. The reason I saved those 15 minutes is because I was going 90 on the backroads to my house. I may have hit a small dog on the way home, I felt a slight thud while I was driving, but I've been so desensitized to the conditions out there, that a small thud is really innocuous in the grand scheme of things.

I'm 23 years old, and I fucking tired. I shouldn't be tired, I should be prepping for a night as the 5 messages on my phone dictate and numerous offers around the office from the female "talent" would indicate. However, I haven't returned a damn phone call or email, because frankly, I just got out of my car, and I can't fucking move. I was going to go to the game tomorrow, but I'm not sure, because again, I can't fucking move. I can barely move my fingers along this keyboard. What the fuck is this shit?

I gather my condition is more than being physically tired. I'm mentally kaput as well. I've been at my new job for a less than a month now, and already my performance is slipping. I think my performance started to slip the moment I walked in the door. I have this mental block about working, it's like the moment I wake up I start fearing that I have to go there, and it's like I just got punched in the face with a NyQuil laden fist. It's fucking terrifying.

I feel like the lead guy from "Office Space". I truly do want to do nothing right now. We all are perfectly aware that work sucks, but at least sometimes we can pretend that we are remotely interested. I'm just not. I was having a fine and dandy time being unemployed. I didn't have to think, I just had to react. Some days, I didn't even have to that much. It's pretty damn depressing. I had all these dreams of getting the good 9-5 job, being challenged, making good money, and to this point it just hasn't happened. It's not for lack of trying, but in this economy who the hell wants to pay someone like me?

My current job isn't challenging at all. I came into the place thinking it would be a good start, but it's not. I don't want to come across as pompous, both here and on the premises of my current employer, but that job is really, truly beneath me. The best ideas come out of challenge and necessity, boredom just breeds indifference. To say that I am bored at this job may truly be the understatement of this short new millenium.

Indifference doesn't really put a spark into your life. It's a dulling, numbing feeling. I never thought it would happen to me. It's making me empty.

I'm trying to understand why I do not stand out. I've been told all my life, by friends, family, teachers, strangers, that I am one of the brighter people that they have ever met. And yet, I've been on at least 15 interviews for jobs I am qualified for, and nothing. Really fucking depressing.

I'm sure everyone here has felt the indifference bug. The best phrasing of the feeling I've heard was from the Chicago based duo, Local H, probably the best legitimate 2 man rock band ever. The guitarist, Scott, has a guitar that is wired like the guy from Presidents of the United States, except with 800hp and more pedals than a lot full of manual transmission cars. The drummer, Joe, is simply the best I've ever seen. The passage, from "Eddie Vedder" goes..

"That's it,
I quit,
I don't give a shit,
you go ahead,
as good as dead...."

It's not exactly Shakespeare, but it works.

That being said, things don't completely suck donkey crank. I'm on the verge of hooking up with my future ex-wife. Actually, there are two girls, one is a transplanted Arizona girl, the other a transplanted Virginia girl. I'm a sucker for the southern ho's. The Virginia girl is the apple of my eye, simply because she's hot, she's blonde, and she can hit the 15 ft. jumpshot with regularity. There are plenty of hot girls out there, there are plenty of blonde girls out there, but a girl that can hit the 15 ft'er against the guys with regularity, she's a keeper. And you can tell she's got an inner bitch in her. Just being a bitch sucks, but that bitch waiting to get out is just so damn hot it is ridiculous. She's going to be back for the Hallmark Holiday (TM) "Black Thursday" (or as the regular folk call it: Valentine's Day), and she's going to be my sweet southern belle to my Johnny Cash. Girls like the Arizona chick come around with regularity, but the Virginia girl, that's like finding a Hartford Whaler - Winnipeg Jets game on tape that was actually good.

So, I'll spend my night thinking of my Virginia girl, icing my quickly deteriorating knees, singing folk songs in a dour voice and watching television. But at least it will be on my own volition.

For the first time in a week, I can smile about something.

There's your randomness for the day/weekend.

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Someday, you will TRULY give up, and then you'll have no problem doing meaningless shit for money; enduring endless, childish humiliations from losers who somehow got promoted to manager; and being thankful for the crumbs which fall off the man's table. What you're feeling now is a function of your experience level. As you get more experieced at eating shit sandwiches, you'll learn to like them. As for the chick--I met a chick recently who kicked my ass in a game of horse, and I wanted to bed her immediately because of that. Oh yeah, and she's hot and a gymnast. Please kill me. -- Capt. Unfaithful, 18:44:39 02/09/02 Sat

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[> [> My great father once said, "Son, life is a shit sandwich- the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat" and that certainly applies here, Dawg. Keep moving up the ladder, meet a woman you like, and shit WILL get better. -- jj, 14:36:31 02/10/02 Sun

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[> Dawg, find Derek Gordon at Meditech. He'll take care of you. -- Wiggum, 10:04:04 02/11/02 Mon

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[> [> Gordon's alive??? -- Ming the Merciless, 10:54:51 02/11/02 Mon

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[> [> I looked him up and Derek actually works in my building in Framingham. Make him aware and I'll drop him a line... -- V-Dawg, 11:23:24 02/11/02 Mon

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