Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast -- Chan Is Missing

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Date Posted: 13:23:07 02/11/02 Mon
Author: Lonnie Baxter
Subject: Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast

Dear CNN,
Thank for you Joie Chen's updates. As a big fan of Ms. Chen who frequently engages in autoerotic acts while she appears on the screen, these updates cannot come fast enough.

I would like to register a complaint, however, with the defection and subsequent surgical alteration of Ms. Greta Van Susteren. Not only did I find Ms. Van Susteren's eye bags to be extremely stimulating, but the stirring title of her program "The Point with Greta Van Susteren" made blood rush to other parts of my body. Because of your unwillingness to compensate Ms. Van Susteren in a fair manner, I was forced to destroy my shrine to her and disband my "The Point with Greta Van Susteren" cult.

I noticed last week that bizarre facist Neal Boortz was hosting "Talk Back Live." If this is any indication of what can be expected in the future, please accept my penis.

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