Loss of my Son -- Angelic Whispers and Reflections Forum

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Date Posted: 10:01:15 07/12/05 Tue
Author: Christi
Subject: Loss of my Son

I lost my beloved son, Dean, in a one-car automobile accident on April 2, 2005. He left behind a wife, 3 beautiful young children, 3 sisters, his father and myself. At the time of Dean's death I was still grieving the sudden death of my father on 12/31/04. I was getting to a point where I could get through the days without crying or being angry, but now my pain is tenfold. I have good days but even those are rarely without tears and heartache and grief. I miss my son terribly and grieve for all of those who loved him and I grieve for all of the days to come when we will each have to deal with his absence. Holidays have always been such a time of joy and happiness in my life, and I find myself dreading the pain I know I will feel in celebrating without my beautiful son. I find myself remembering his amazing smile that could light up a room and, instead of being filled with wonder at how infectious it was, my heart breaks with the thought of never seeing it again. I find myself praying that I will dream of him at night, but I have no dreams at all. I find myself sobbing at the thought of never having his arms engulf me in one of his love-filled hugs. I find myself reaching for the phone to call and say I love you, and instead, reaching to wipe away the tears when I remember he is gone. I find myself thinking of little things about him that always made me smile and having trouble breathing. I find myself asking why and knowing there is no answer or reason that will ever be enough to satisfy my need to understand. I find myself longing for the day when I find the peace within myself, the strength from a higher power and the acceptance of the love of those around me to accept this terrible tragedy. I pray that I will find the courage and the determination to find a way in my life to honor Dean's memory and to always be the person that he always was so proud to be his Mom.

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