It Kind of Makes You Wonder. What DID They Learn? -- Lafcadio T. Lion and Strawberry Sage and Friends Fun Forum

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Date Posted: 18:31:02 04/11/02 Thu
Author: Reporter Lion
Author Host/IP: qam1b-sif-86.monroeaccess.net / 12.27.214.87
Subject: It Kind of Makes You Wonder. What DID They Learn?

Folks, I don't need to make things up to get a laugh. Our educational system has been far too busy over the past 50 years turning out stellar performers who provide me with all the free material any comedian could ever need.

In order to work for a newspaper... even a small town church bulletin and hog futures carrier... these days, a young person must have completed at least 12 years of high school and, normally, an additional four years devoted to university level studies in journalism or English. That is not necessarily true of sports reporters, however. Those folks cannot think without the aroma of over-ripe athletic supporters as a mind-altering support system.

The following are all REAL headlines taken from the pages of major newspapers across this nation. As you read and ponder the inanity and wonder at the educational accomplishments of the people who wrote these and the editors who allowed these gems to pass unchallenged, just remember that this is what we got for all those tax dollars we have been paying to educate these wizards of word warping. These are the results modern educators tout as their success stories!

My favorite headline of all time was on the front page of the Lake Charles, Louisiana American Press in late 1965:

Pope Gives Nuns Lay Order

As a working broadcast journalist at the time, I tried my best to get details for a followup on this blockbuster development and revelation, but I could never pin down the basic elements of the story... Who?... What?... Where?... Why?... When... and, under the circumstances,... What Position?

Here are some more recent goodies you might enjoy:

* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

* Deer Kill 17,328

* New Vaccine may Contain Rabies

* Woman Improving After Fatal Crash

* Lawyer Says Client is Not That Guilty

* Publicize Your Business Absolutely Free! Just send $6.00.
(OK, so it is the headline from a display ad, but it was also the work of a college graduate)

* Couple Slain, Police Suspect Homicide

* Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

* Legislator Wants Tougher Death Penalty

* Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

* Include Your Children When Baking Cookies

* After Detour to California Shuttle Returns to Earth

* Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say

* Man Jumps Off Bridge. Neither Jumper nor Body Found.

At one time, I even got a certain perverse pleasure from scanning the newspapers for grammatical and spelling errors. A few months with the Atlanta, Georgia Journal and Constitution dailies cured me of that. While the newspaper(s)[especially the liberal fishwrapper, Constitution] was/were always politically correct (they actually have a Diversity Committee to review every edition to make certain that they present a designated quota of stories that feature minority members of the community outside the crime statistics reports), the overwhelming number of typos and basic grammatical and spelling infractions in the first section of a normal weekday edition alone made my pasttime into a full time unpaid vocation. I quickly found other things less time-consuming to do with my time.

I recently read on online article that quoted teen-aged girls. The inability of these high school seniors and college students to communicate in simple standard American English declarative sentences was mind boggling. An example from the article... "I mean, she was like... you know... just totally."

Thanks to political correctness, liberal mindlessness and E. E. O. C. that young lady could one day be like, you know, an English teacher, dude, or even like, way cool, you know, President or... wow... like a newspaper or tv reporter! Does the concept of self perpetuation of recessive traits ring a bell with any of you from those long ago days in biology class?

It's enough to make you want to volunteer your kids to be sterilized

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Replies:

Re: It Kind of Makes You Wonder. What DID They Learn? -- Bunnyhunny, 21:20:42 04/11/02 Thu
- Re: It Kind of Makes You Wonder. What DID They Learn? -- Rose...with my two cents, 12:22:19 04/19/02 Fri
  - Re: It Kind of Makes You Wonder. What DID They Learn? -- Had his "gruntled" dissed Lion, 18:57:50 04/19/02 Fri