Re: Who are you and where did the person I know go???? -- Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

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Date Posted: 15:38:34 04/25/16 Mon
Author: John (Painful? Yes, but temporary ..)
Subject: Re: Who are you and where did the person I know go????
In reply to: Doug 's message, "Who are you and where did the person I know go????" on 07:12:16 04/25/16 Mon

Doug-

My heart goes out to you and your son�s terribly painful situation. Your Narcissist Bully GIDXW is intentionally hurting both you (again) and her own flesh and blood. There�s a special place in hell for such people.

Tactical suggestion: She�s behaving so nastily, using her son as the hockey puck, to generate Narcissitic Supply to feed her darkness. If instead of reacting, you go �Gray Rock�, that will dry up her energy, ideally causing her to vanish as movies show similar evil phantasms. <a rel=nofollow target=_blank href="http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/">http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/</a>

In perspective: You made the right choice getting yourself out of the marriage you were tricked into. That was an immediate survival issue for you and enables you to create for your son a safe and sane home base at your place. As unpleasant as your current, transitional situation is, staying in that bad marriage would likely have been far worse.

As for her behavior, even at T-ball age children fully understand cruelty and distance themselves from it at first opportunity. He knows at some level that his father�s home will always be his safest refuge and best platform for growth.

In contrast, for my son* I stayed in my mistake for 3+ decades to nurture and protect him from his often evil mother. After he was through with high school, college and in his first house, I faced up, gnawed off my hand (figuratively speaking), freed myself from her trap and started living my own life.

Upon splitting of the only family he�d known, my 23 yo son took me for a long walk and demanded explanation. I simply said: 1. His mother was a long term, serial bisexual philander. 2. She'd had over 10,000 mornings to look in the mirror and discover character and integrity had broken out on her face. 3. I wasn't going to waste more time on her.

He replied simply, I can't blame you a bit." His only question since was, "Why did you put up with it so long?" I replied, "Because you were worth it."

He turned out splendidly � many friends, student body pres, college scholarships, fantastic wife, MBA, now stock options. But, there was only 15% of me left.

I had waited until leaving was a life-and-death matter for me. Having not extricated myself from that intolerable situation, my body got sick to do it for me. Three weeks before divorce I excised a cancerous prostate, another thing set on killing me, ending life dreams of a full on hetero relationship. Years since, mouth washes, fillings, root canals, root scrapings, implants, etc are cleaning out bacterial community property she brought home. Eight years out now, I�m a happy, healthy, semi-retired singleton with a loving son and daughter-in-law.

So, whether Str8s correct their bad marriage decision early in life like you did, or later, there are major affects on the course of our lives.

The brilliance of your situation is that you have much life ahead to refresh and recreate yourself and to nurture, guide and model for your son. .

Advice: Pray, exercise, rejoice, enjoy your son, build a wiser life.

- John

(*I say my son despite increasing resemblance to a guy his mom played tennis with.)

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Replies:

Re: Who are you and where did the person I know go???? -- Doug (to John), 08:23:02 04/26/16 Tue