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Date Posted: 07:12:16 04/25/16 Mon
Author: Doug (so depressed)
Subject: Who are you and where did the person I know go????

There was a time in which I would try and get my ex wife to understand how much she was hurting me with her cruelty. I can say with honesty that I often muddled that message as I was very much in the angry phase of grieving. I haven't really been angry in a while, and part of me wishes I was. It would be so much easier than being hurt and feeling defeated.

Rhonda, I think you will emphasize with this post.

Todd, very proud of you with your pre-K story. Yes it is a good day when we realize that we can be ourselves again and not have every experience be a roller coaster of emotions.

I was hoping to have the same experience, but was denied that ability. Our son is starting T-ball and he is very excited and nervous about it. Yesterday there was a opening day ceremony for all the kids in which they marched in a parade, some words would be said, the opening pitch and the older kids would play a game. I was so excited for him. Last week we went and bought his gear; his bat that makes him hit extra far; his shoes that had the ability to make him run extra fast. He is a nervous little fellow so instilling these magical thoughts were important and it worked. We practiced hitting the ball and catching, went over the rules of when to run and when to stay. It was all great until he tripped and his hands stung because of the fine gravel, never wanting to play baseball again. This of course was immediately reversed when I explained that after every game was ice cream and taught him the 2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate song.

That was all during the week when I had my son. Yesterday I texted to see where I should meet them for the parade and was told that they were not going. At first she blamed him and said he got up too late. Then she admitted she didn't want him to go citing the coaches had not passed out the team shirts and hats yet, along with a few other hard to follow excuses. I was given no warning, nor the slightest hint of an apology. This was something we had planned to do together as our son likes nothing more than when we do things together as a group. I was left standing there surrounded by intact families just wanting to melt into the sand beneath my feet.

This was very important to my son and until it was taken away I didn't realize how important it was to me. This is what life has been like folks. There was a time that I would get mad, try and educate her on how cruel she was, how much her efforts to hurt me were also hurting her son. I have given up on that. There is no anger left. Just this hollowness in my core that is growing colder and heavier.

The woman I married was the most selfless, caring person I had ever met. Who is this person? Why does she put so much effort into hurting me? At the end of our relationship I felt she was acting like a teenager that actually has to hate their parents a little to break the bonds of what they know in order to move out and join the rest of the world. We are past that point. Fine, so she likes women. Why does that mean she has to hate me?

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