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Date Posted: 07:51:05 05/15/16 Sun
Author: Clara (Comfused)
Subject: Glad to find this place

I am so glad to find this site. My husband of 22 years wanted to start dressing occasionally as a woman then, he started hormones, then he joined a group and started going out in public and eventually he told me he wanted to live as a woman full time.
Initially my feelings were of great sadness, we had cared for each other for a long time, he couldn't help who he really was. But at the same time that he/she began that journey I knew it wasn't my journey. As his body changed to be womanly we grew further and further apart. We lived in a small country town in Australia and everybody knew. We had 2 grown sons and 2 still at home. Every body said how brave she was to be honest about who she really was. But I knew it was not a relationship I could be in. After reading a lot of your stories I was thinking how easy I had it. I got a job in a new town and I wanted the chance to start again.
We only separated in November and I thought we were doing well in being amicable but I've just found out that she has had a girlfriend for a couple of months and they are planning to go on an extended holiday. On one level I understand, I'm the one who chose to end things but I feel like our whole life together was a lie. She was often unhappy but apparently she had never been more happy now as a woman in a relationship with this new woman.
I was interested to read other experiences of feeling that the partner was self centred because while I understand her wanting to start again as I have, this involves her leaving her children and the only reason she can do that is because I am here looking after them. Our youngest son is intellectually disabled with an IQ of 50 and takes a great deal of care. As a mother I wouldn't dream of leaving them but apparently that is not a consideration for my ex husband. She now wants a divorce which I was in no hurry for, I wanted time to sort things out in my head.
How can she have moved on so quickly. I hate that age has everything new and that she wanted and I am left mourning a husband who is no more.
And I really hate when I have expressed this view to be told but your husband is alive and it is insensitive of me to say that. Well he is dead to me and the woman in his place is a total stranger. Our sons are struggling to have any relationship with their father but that doesn't seem to bother her that much.
I have rights too. I'm so sick of all the cheers for the transgender people when no one knows how very hard it is on the partners and families.
I hope I haven't offended anyone but I'm glad to have a place I can be honest and not have to pretend that I'm ok with everything that has happened when I am not,
I'd love to talk to people in a similar situation

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Replies:

Re: Glad to find this place -- Sue, 14:41:59 05/15/16 Sun
- Re: Glad to find this place -- Clara, 23:42:28 05/15/16 Sun
Re: Glad to find this place -- Cheryl R (Angry), 17:47:18 05/15/16 Sun
- Re: Glad to find this place -- Clara, 07:09:47 05/16/16 Mon
Re: Glad to find this place -- Rob (He she is an it), 18:45:36 05/15/16 Sun
Re: Glad to find this place -- Donna krause (Frustrated), 00:40:59 05/17/16 Tue
- Re: Glad to find this place -- lily, 01:00:55 05/17/16 Tue