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Date Posted: 17:55:13 08/31/00 Thu
Author: Charles Nemo
Subject: Why Are Bible Thumpers So Angry? Here's the Answer!

It's because you're so scared that you're actually pissing in your pants! Why?

We're what you've always hated, feared and desired -- wrapped into one nasty yet nominally separate package. Think of us as the Unholy Trinity, soon to devolve into a deviant godhead. The governing law: nastiness gravitates to empty assholiness just like stink to shit. We just can't help ourselves.

We're the school yard bully and the bothersome omnipresent relative of your childhood, the nun with the ruler, the pushy priest in the confessional, the cop in the squad car, and the perverted next door neighbor watching you through curtain slits. We belch and fart most embarrassingly. We have long hair and are just "different". We prefer reading, movies and music to the sweatiness of jocks. We're computer nerds. We're the undertow at the beach, the hot stove and all the other dreaded people, things and events that teased, taunted and tormented your youthful dreams and every waking moment.

Today we're a CIA implant and a cyber-construct of the dreaded SMERSH. We're the boss you hate, the kids you can barely tolerate and your nagging spouse or significant other. We're the Albanians in Kosovo, the pushy Negroes in the ghetto, the color BLACK(1)and those insignificant redwoods just begging to be cut for patio furniture. We're the Internet, shock rockers and violent video games. We're persistent questioners and challengers, entombed and embedded in your most sacred and secure institutions. We have way too much education for our own good and make a shitload more money than you do. We're aliens disguised to look just like you.

We're obscene, and we certainly know it when we see it! We peddle filth everywhere in spite of your ceaseless efforts at censorship. We're the wrong color, race, religion, nationality and sex. We're here, we're queer, so deal with it. We're all that's slimy, evil, horrific, and grotesque. We roamed free in the Columbine High School hallways and then escaped. We're serial killers and mass murderers of the past as well as the hundreds still loose. We're more than 1.7 million prisoners in the U.S. alone, plus hundreds of millions of guns, bombs and germ warfare canisters, all waiting to be released and used. We're right outside your door on the darkest nights. We're the ultimate threat to god, mom, apple pie and peaceful sleep. We're the forerunners of the great Apocalypse that you both fear and desire at the same time. We're Satan, Beelzebub, Behemoth and all the demons of the Universe. We want your kids' bodies and souls, and we won't take NO for an answer!

Now -- what is it that we're NOT? We're not warm and fuzzy, a thick security blanket or anything that remotely might be called happy and comforting. (You destroyed those possibilities centuries ago with your constant bickering, wars, brutal police, hypocritical religion, corrupt politics, and pervasive pollution -- all topped with the nasty frosting of your smug self-righteousness.) We're not capable of being reasoned or dealt with, let alone prevented or stopped. We're not the least bit worried about lack of company, knowing that you're breeding countless thousands more of us that will be even worse than we are.

At best, I suppose you could say we're just EVIL FOR THE HELL OF IT.(2) At worst, we have full justification for everything we say and do. We have you right where we want you. You and your kind have no future as long as we're here, and we'll never quit. There is no escape.

RUN LIKE HELL!

Hasta la Beasta,
Charles Nemo



FOOTNOTES:
(1)See the BLACKNESS of BLACK at
(2)See
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