| Subject: 其他意見(詳見內文)eng應該合格，但難高等級呀。(About a D Grade) |
Author:
板主
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Date Posted: 17:56:23 02/21/03 Fri
In reply to:
cherry kam
's message, "唔該幫我睇下,我eng合唔合格呀" on 02:20:01 02/19/03 Wed
General Comments
1. Grammar mistakes spotted. (Refer to below)
2. Some sentences structure are too complicated that you commit mistake as a result. Short, simple sentence recommended.
3. Some sentence are incomplete. Resulted in unclear meaning & easily misunderstood by makers. Eg, You want to complaint about the behaviour of 2 boys, but not the 2 boys (personal attack?!)! (3rd paragraph)
4. Solutions ignored when mentioning problems-difficult for staffs to handle!
5. Other small comments in #(blankets).
>Dear Ms Cheung,
> I am writing to complaint about the environment of
>local library, there’s too much noise in the local
>library. The purpose is use for students to study in
>here. Now, it lost the usefulness.#(You should say it was abuse than "lost its usefulness" as it is still in use by those "abusers"!!!) Yesterday, I was
>preparing for my HKCEE exam and I visited the local
>library for the first time. I was disappointed in #(by) the
>environment, because when #(I[you] discovered [something] when)I studied in the library.
> Firstly, the boy, sat on my near, listened the
>CD-ROM, but the volume was very strong. Seriously, he
>also used a pen to beat out #(wrong preposition!) the music. He didn’t know
>that it could affect other students to study.#(Are you sure? I think he knew it affect others but simply not considerate enough!!!) I used
>the unfriendly expression of the eyes #(shorten the sentence: unfriendly eye expression) to him, but he
>was not mean to stop #(did not stop) his music. And the librarians
>were not stopped # (something missed?!Preposition?) his behind. #(What do you mean exactly? I can't understand!)
> Secondly, two boys sat on my opposite side. Although
>they were discussed their homework, but they didn’t
>quiet (??? How can "talking" be "quiet"? "quiet" means "not talking"!!!)to talking. I known that study is true #(acceptable, not "true" or "false"!!!) but they
>should control the volume. One of the library rules is
>keep quiet on #(delete "on") every time, and the librarians were not
>stopped their behind. #(Again: What do you mean?!!!)
> Thirdly, the local library is near the streets. #(First sign of using the right senence for the paragraph to start! But near the streets itself cannot be a problem as lots of exam center is near the streets that it is convenience for users!!!)
>There have always jam in the traffic, so the cars were
>shouted “BOOP”. I was clearly heard this in the
>library, I was troubled by it. I don’t know why the
>library builds in near the streets. There was
>seriously noise pollution. #(Suggest measures to block the noise more practical than dioubting its existence!!!)
> Finally, one of the rules in library, that don’t
>eating and drinking #(No eating or drinking is allowed is better) in there. But, some children were
>eating and running around the bookshelf. Some times
>they suddenly shouted and horse #(What does that mean?) laughed. The staff
>also were not stopped their behind. 3(3rd time: What does that mean? Especially you should mention what they should do, rather than just mentioning the problems without solutions!)
> By #(reading/receiving)this complaint, I hope you should #(could-not a must!!!)improve the
>service. I look forward to receiving your reply.
> Yours
>sincerely,
> J. Chan
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