| Subject: Re:應該合格，但難高等級呀。(About a D Grade) |
Author:
板主
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 23:31:51 10/19/03 Sun
In reply to:
Tam
's message, "Re: What grade is it? Is it fail?" on 18:34:52 05/13/03 Tue
General Comments
1. Grammar mistakes spotted. (Refer to below)-generally acceptable.
2. Reducdant of words & wrong word choice.Proofreading several times is recommended.
4. Not enough argument in the main body while suddenly adding new point in your conclusion => lost marks.
5. Other small comments in #(blankets).
6. 45 represent a mere pass in my opinion.
>>>2003 CE GE syllbus B (the first topic)
>>>
>>>
>>>Dear Editor,
>>>
>>>I am writing to express my opinion on the question:
>>>“Do you think your parents really understand you?”
>>>As a teenager, I think I am lucky to have parents,
>>>who understand me; however, a lot of parents do not
>>>understand their children very much.[#use of "very much"-strange; use som other word instead.]
>>>
>>>First of all, I think many parents do not like their
>>>children to stay out late with friends. I know they
>do so because they care and worry about their children.
>>>While teenagers like to stay out late with friends,
>>>especially in the festivals, like Christmas. So I
>>>suggest they should have a compromise. The parents
>can give a mobile phone to the teenagers so as to call
>>>them at any time. [#but annoying to the children!!!]
>>>The teenagers should tell their
>>>parents when they will go, whom they will go with,
>>>where they will go to, and when they will back home.[#more practical/realistic]
>>>I think the teenagers should keep their promise, in
>>>particular, when they will come back, or the parents
>>>may not let them stay out late again.[#Good point]
>>>
>>>Moreover, I think a lot of parents like [#want] to know >>>what their children spend money on and give advice to
>>>them.
>>>But many adolescents do not like their parents always
>>>asking how they spend [#their] money. One of the reasons
>>>is that the young people think that they are “young
>>>adults”[#independent enough-better word uses]
>>> thus they can decide how to spend money. I
>>>think parents should give some advice to them, like
>>>they should buy the “non neccessary things”,[#"unneceessary"-why don't you use this instead of "inventing" new word???]
>>>such as accessories, clothes and dolls less, and save
>>>some [#some-reductdant] money. I do not think the >>>parents will not allow or have argument with [#"argue with" is better than "have argument with"=>since using verbs will save words thus is better than noun in composition.] them if they buy the “must-have
>>>items”, like stationary or reference books.
>>>Therefore, adolescents should be self-descipline.[#disiplined]
>>>
>>>Furthermore, a lot of us like spend a long time on
>>>the computer nowadays while parents do not like. Many of
>>>us spend a lot of time on the computers to play
>>>computer games, and some of us use the computer to
>>>search things or do homework. Therefore, I think
>>>parents should ask their children why they always
>>>stick on with [#wrong word choice] the computer. If they
>>>play computer games, parents should suggest them to play >>>less,since it may damage teenagers’ health. If they use
>>>the computer to search things,[#search "what"? How about "pornographic" materials or "violent" sites?=>careless word choice] parents should support
>>>them and give them some advice on how to plan a better
>time table.[#schedule/manage their time, not time table!!!]
>>>
>>>To conclude, many parents do not understand their
>>>children much. It is because of the lack of
>>>communication, and some of the adolescents do not let
>>>their parents to have an opportunity to understand
>>>them. Therefore, communication is very important.
>>>[#Good conclusion-but why don't you mention that the problem is two-sided in your content??? Lost marks as conclusion should be used to SUMMARIZE instead of ADDING any NEW Point]
>>>Thank you for your attention.
>>>
>>>Yours sincerely,
>>>C.Wong
>>
>>mark:22+23=45
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
Feedback: 