| Subject: .|.death blooms.|. |
Author:
mirage of dreams
|
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Date Posted: 09:18:35 08/05/02 Mon
In reply to:
Fajarah
's message, "..behind cealed lids.." on 20:49:04 08/04/02 Sun
(ah, why thank you for giving me the chance to see through ones concealed self. the hidden. perhaps this is my chance to do the same. maybe it isn't. either way, i'm gonna take a chance)
.|.pain. inevitable. most likely planning my death for me, calling the demons right now. ordering them to take me under. there'll be a sign with "dead-beat mothers" etched in blood, my blood. fare well all of you. most of you've made my stay here awfull, but the one's that haven't, i thank you, you gave me something, yet really turned out to be nothing. go ahead you worthless bitch, go over there and comfort the uneasy. if you die, you die. there's nothing left here, anywhere. the many times i've stared death in the face, none were quite this frightening. my own daughter. pulling the glass-sharp knife out o' its case, raising it to throat, smirk etching 'pon her face. slowly does it force itself within flesh, yet the hatred is felt as it eats 'way. slowly cutting 'way pelt, ripping it to the side, not caring o' the damage, 'twas the point. sinking roughly through flesh. pain. crimson drops form near the opening, knife almost gone, embedded within. crimson rivers begin their journey. following the path carved just for them. how special. see? i can even see my own death awaiting me, i can see it right out the door. if i step out, it'll be right there waiting for me. do i go over? if i die i die? but wouldn't that be leaving them like piss in the wind again? i do believe so. but if they kill me...then i wouldn't be considered leaving them. ah, the torment. i didn't mean to leave them. ah, now look at me, i sound like a trapped mother in court, pleeing to not be locked up after killing children. banishes rivers flow. i won't have it. she's here, right now. per'aps this is my only chance to say sorry before death sheds 'pon me. come out all your bastards, come take me away. i know your out there.|.
.|.lanterns r'turn gaze. blank stare. nothing. if anything, pain would be etching into the artist's picture. form draws near, liquid slither inching t'ward dame. hesitance. movement draws to their end, razors embedded 'gain a few feet 'way. ah, and now the shadows show through the curtains. if salted water could run down my face, they would. the knife that was jammed in my back so long ago sank to my heart. 'tis not your fault m'dear, 'tis mine. i did it all myself. look what i've put you through. if you wish not to forgive me, i don't blame you. but atleast hear me out. i'm sorry. for everything. even the things that have nothing to do with me, it was probably caused because of me. everything does. i'm sorry for what your father put you through, long with everyone else that beholds your blood. i never thought things would turn this way. i didn't have this all planned in my little calandar. see what i've done? i've melted the ice, lit the raging fire. the rusted cage bars are lowering. go ahead. plan my death. rip me to shreds. this can be your pay back m'dear. nothing will be held 'gainst you, ever. i'll always love you and Caliph, even if you kill me. remember. your pay back.|.
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