| Subject: Re: The script continues |
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Date Posted: 04:54:14 08/15/02 Thu
In reply to:
HORSE!
's message, "Re: The script continues" on 17:56:42 08/12/02 Mon
>Gunther
>These rings are in here somewhere.
>
>Greg
>Let's get the fuck out of here.
>
>Chris
>But tim's in the bathroom.
>
>Cut to the bathroom. Tim is standing at the urinal.
>Under the door of the stall we see the tied hands and
>feet of two men. One has a long white beard and
>mustache - very wizardly looking, the otherlooks to be
>his young apprentice (how exactly, I don't know) we
>go to a close up of the old man's face.
>
>Old Man
>Please help us - they're destroying the vork of all
>good magicians.
>
>Piss starts to hit the ground near the old man's face.
> The old man flinches as his face is misted.
>
>Tim (the shot stays on the old man who is about to cry)
>Aww fuck - you're breaking my concentration.
>
>As he says this we see two then three distinct streams
>of piss spilling near the old magician's face. The
>old man starts to cry.
MEANWHILE
Back in the audience we see Chris squirming uncomfortably.
GREG
Come on, we're going.
CHIRS
Greg, thith man ith a withard of thorth and I could thtand to learn a thing or two from him.
GREG
Bullshit, this man is a pervert. Come on.
CHRIS
Let me tell Tim!
Chris stands up.
Gunther notices.
GUNTHER
Vat, you leaving? So soon? Ve vere just getting to the best part!
CHRIS
I mean no dithrethpect to you, Mithter Magithian, I am merely going to go tell my friend that my other friend wantth to leave.
The audience chuckles a bit at this... meanign this is the MOST THEY HAVE LAUGHED ALL FUCKING NIGHT LONG.
GUNTHER
Vhat, leaving your friends are?
CHRIS
One of them ith pithing I think.
The audience laughs some more. Gunther and Vlad seem a bit miffed at this.
JESUS
I can't find the rings.
GUNTHER
Shutup kid!
JESUS
Yes sir.
CHRIS
If you'll ekthcuthe me? Now I have been thinking of the potty tho long, I really have to take a theriouth thit.
The audience now laughs uproariously at Chris's fucked up way of talking.
GUNTHER
Yes, go away! Now, you Jesus, don't stop looking!
The audience turns to watch Chris as he walks back toward the restroom.
The EMCEE approaches Gunther, Vlad and Jesus.
EMCEE
Okay, let's hear it for
GUNTHER
SILENCE!
NO one is watching, all eyes are on Chris.
Cut to inside the bathroom where Tim has his hands covering his ears and he is flailing about while still pissing near the old bound magician who is still crying.
TIM
Shut up! Stop crying old man! I can't stand it.
Chris bursts in.
CHRIS
Oh thit, Tim, I've got no time to talk!
Chris enters the stall with the bound magicians.
OLD MAN
Oh no, not here!
CHRIS
No time to dithcuth thith!
APPRENTICE
Oh God no!
Tim has collapsed on the ground and is rolling about.
TIM
SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!
An audience member pokes his head in.
CHRIS
I'm thorry! I'm thorry!
The audience member waves his hand and creeps into the restroom.
Several other audience members follow him.
The cacophony of Tim shouting, the Magician crying, the apprentice protesting and Chris shitting while apologizing is quite amusing to these people.
CHRIS
Oh thit! OH THIT!
APPRENTICE
Oh God what is that!
CHRIS
I think it'th a thandwich!
The audience members laugh. More people have creeped inside.
Cut to a shot of the auditorium.
No one is there except Greg who has wandered onstage.
GREG
You know what else I hate? Knuckles! I mean, come on!
Silence greets Greg's non-joke.
GREG
Fuck you all, that shit's funny!
Cut back to inside the bathroom.
RANDOM AUDIENCE MEMBER AS PLAYED BY RACHEL WEISZ
(to another audience member)
This shit's funny!
CHRIS
(oblivious)
Thith ith a nightmare!
Everyone laughs.
MAGICIAN
Please help us!
Chris exits the stall in a huff, his pants only pulled part of the way up.
Tim is sobbing on the ground.
Chris is confronted with all the people when he tries to go wash his hands. THEY ARE BLOCKING THE WAY.
CHRIS
My name'th Chrith Taylor. What'th yourth?
Everyone laughs.
Back in teh comedy club.
GREG
So here's a funny story, I was eating some dirt once and I found a worm. I took it back because I'm NOT EATING THAT SHIT! YEAH!
Chris exits the bathroom followed by a bunch of people. He is blushing.
He walks up to Greg.
CHRIS
Thethe people are nuth.
GREG
Nuts? I fucking hate nuts.
CHRIS
That'th not true, I've theen you eat them before.
THE AUDIENCE LAUGHS SO HARD!
GREG
What the fuck are you laughing at?
CHRIS
They think I'm funny.
As Chris has not said an "s" sound, no one laughs.
GREG
Oh yeah?
CHRIS
Thure thing!
Everyone laughs.
Greg looks confused.
GREG
Where's tim?
CHRIS
He'th in the bathroom. i think he needth help.
(laughter)
GREG
Oh shit.
CHRIS
Yeah! That'th what I thaid!
(laughter)
Greg walks off stage, trips falls, and bashes his skull against the stairs.
Greg
OW!
CHRIS
Oh THIT! I'LL GET AN AMBULANTHE!
Chris darts off. The Audience follows.
Greg begins to pull himself across the floor, trailing blood as he goes.
Back in the bathroom-
Tim has finally stopped sobbing. He lays there, dazed.
Greg comes crawling in through the door which conveniently pushes in and not pulls in.
GREG
I never should have let you come in here.
TIM
I never should have let you out of my sight.
GREG
Now look at us.
TIM
We're dying.
GREG
And no one here to save us.
TIM
Oh God, not like this. Not like this! Not smelling Chris's shit!
Greg closes his eyes.
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