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The Shaggy Bar,
Toronto, Canada... a large number of unsavory fellows have surounded Private
Eye Adrian Beretta in a shadowey parking lot.
Muscle:
You eitha pay up Beretta... or I break your friggin' legs, Cha Cha!
Adrian Beretta:
Is that right no-neck?
Muscle:
Yeah!
Adrian Beretta:
Yeah?
Muscle: Yeah!
Adrian Beretta:
I'll tell you what scab face, why don't I rip your head off and vomit down your
neck?
Muscle: Screw
you!
Adrian Beretta:
Well, just like Burger King... have it your way!
Action sequence
follows as Adrian Beretta kicks much ass and takes no sass from the bad guys!
POW!
ZING! BOING! KAPLANG! DOINK! CRACK!
Adrian Beretta:
Just like the local bimbos... I leave you all lieing on your backs!
Close up!
Cue music!
Bon Jovi's "Livin'
on a Prayer!"
Coming
this spring... he's young... he's hip... he has a pony tail... and sideburns
to match! He's a private dick with all the trimmings! He's...
Adrian
Beretta... Privately Dicked!
Ok,
cut! That's a wrap everyone! Nice job Adrian...
Adrian Cuzzi:
Naturally.
Adrian Cuzzi,
on the set of his first TV series, walks over to his personal dressing trailor.
Adrian Cuzzi:
Personal dressing trailor. Only the best for me.
He pops the
door open and slides inside. A couple of make-up people say hello to him as
they exit the vehicle, leaving him alone. Adrian sits down in his leather chair
in front of a large lighted mirror and wipes his face and neck with a towel.
Adrian Cuzzi:
Hey, how ya livin' people? My name is Adrian Cuzzi... "Pop Star"
Adrian Cuzzi to my thousands and soon to be millions of fans world wide. You
just got a glimpse of my new TV series, coming out as soon as they cancel some
of those real crappy shows, like Survivor and 60 Minutes. So keep your eyes
peeled for "Adrian Beretta... Privately Dicked!".
For those of you
who have been living in their parents basement apartment these last few years,
I'm one of the hottest selling acts today. I've got two albums, "Baby I
Miss Lovin' You Up", and "Girl, I'm Lovin' Every Minute of Your Body",
and I have gone platinum with my first two albums in both The Phillipines and
Nova Scotia.
I also speak three
different languages, English, Sandscrit, and Portugese. I love to cook authentic
Egyptian cuisine, I drive a 1996 Coupe Deville, and I breed Bichon Frise dogs.
So there's no doubt
I am and soon will be a huge star. I mean, they don't give you a moniker like
"Pop Star" for nothing, right?
But this isn't
about me... no wait! It IS about me! Ha ha ha!
You can bet your
next high colonic everyone in the CEWL is talking about me, me... and me! CEWL...
Cutting Edge Wrestling League. Up here in Canada, eh? Sounds good right? Well,
no, it doesn't, does it? But hey! If you take a peek at their roster, what do
you see?
Cuzzi puts one
hand on his hip and points to his chest with his thumb with the other hand,
and leans into the camera.
Adrian Cuzzi:
Pop... Star... Adrian... Cuzzi!
Need I say any
more?
Now I can be like
one of these no-class hosers and talk trash about my first two opponents, but
do you really want to hear me talk about a couple of losers you'll never hear
from again?
Wait! Ha ha ha!
That's like a double whammy there. I mean, of course, you wanna hear me talk,
right? Who doesn't? But you sure as heck would rather have me talk about myself
then a couple of nobodies who are going to end up working the local Denny's
for next five years. Am I right? Or am I right?
So I'll tell you
what. Tune into the very first CEWL show to catch a glimpse of Adrian Cuzzi.
"Pop Star" Adrian Cuzzi, that is. Remember that name... hey, wait!
I mean... how could you forget, right? Ha ha ha! Later!
Fade...
"Pop
Star" Adrian Cuzzi
But
this is only a dream, right?! Tell that to them!