tryout -- GWA Tryout board

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Date Posted: 07:52:35 07/24/02 Wed
Author: Talus
Author Host/IP: cache-udd.cableinet.co.uk / 194.117.151.68
Subject: tryout

The scene opens in a dark alley, around eleven twenty three at night. The sky has over cast clouds lingering in it, but in contrast to the blackness of space the clouds looks purple. No moonlight from above can pierce the clouds, its as if darkness reigned supreme. The ceaseless drone of traffic can be heard in the background, swishing through the air and clunking as the vehicles his bumps and pot holes in the ground. The alley has little light apart from the protruding street lamps at each end of the alley, giving the alley a yellowish colour. There is a bum lying with his head propped up against the wall at the end of the alley. His left leg is sprawled across the street and there is a smattering of puke on the end of his shoe. The bum looks around, dazed and confused, probably still drunk from his eternal binges. Two black boots come into his line of sight, he looks up, fighting the glare of the street lights as he focuses on who is standing in front of him. As he looks up he sees a long black leather trench coat shining in the light. There are a pair of stonewashed blue jeans with a tear in the left knee. The further up he looks he sees that the arms of the well built figure are folded, as if in a state of tolerance. As his eyes come into focus, getting used to the glare of street lights, He sees long blonde hair and a pair of sunglasses staring back at him. The bum wipes some crumbs of bread from his grimy, soiled, was - once - white - beard and pulls his legs up against his chest. The huge well built figure bends down and grabs the old man by the collar, the old bum tries to keep his face away from the huge hulking great figure so as not to provoke any unpleasantries although the hulking great figure is screwing his face up as if he already can smell the unpleasantries from the old bums breath. The hulking great figure starts to sniff around the old mans head. The old bum winces with fear then the hulking great figure licks the old bums cheek and smiles. Still keeping a grasp on the old bums collar he looks the old bum up and down, carefully examining his tattered, soiled and damp clothes. The old bum stars to look at the hulking stranger inquisitively. Then suddenly the stranger looks up ans smiles at the old bum. The old is startled and jerks his head back, thumping it against the wall.

Bum: �Uh.....Uh.... can I help you good sir? Do you need directions or anything? I�m very good at that kind of thing, I know this town like the back of my hand.�

Stranger: �No spank you good sir that wont be necessary. Tell me sir, do you enjoy this kind of life style? Do you enjoy skulking around the alleyways, digging around in trash cans and skips just to find the rotten carcase of a fish?�

The old bum looks at the man with big puppy eyes then takes a swig from his liquor bottle. He puts the bottle back down on the ground and then stretches his limbs and yawns.

Bum: �Yes well, it does have its perks. You don�t need to go to work, which means you get to sleep longer. None of that getting up early crap, but that ain�t the best part, the best part is that you get to live off of the taxpayers own hard earned money and it�s great. It�s like staying at a bed and breakfast except you don�t have a roof over your head, and it�s cold in winter. But other than that, it is a great life.�

The old bum puts his arms behind his head and rests against the wall with a grin like a Cheshire cat going from ear to ear. The hulking strangers grabs the old bum by the collar with both hands tightening on his collar. The old bums face goes from relaxed and happy to one of sheer surprise shock and fear. Then slowly, but with a great amount of strength and torque, the stranger lifts the old bum off of the slimy wet alley floor. The old bum starts to gag and choke and his collar tightens around his neck and the hulking strangers knuckles press against the gullet area in his throat. The hulking stranger puts a little more torque into lifting the old bum and slowly, ever so slowly, the old bums feet come of the ground, and as the old bums feet come off the ground some puke slides gradually from the sole of his foot and slops down onto the concrete. The hulking stranger stops lifting the old bum and the two men look simultaneously down at the old bums feet. He is around four inches from the ground gurgling and choking, trying to roll out of this ludicrous position he has found himself in. After a few panic stricken seconds the old bum stops squirming. The hulking stranger smiles at the old bum and then lets him back down easily on his feet. The old bum grasps his throat and grasp as much oxygen as he can back down into his oxygen deprived lungs. He stars to cough and spits up a huge ball of Flem. The Flem is green in colour and as it hits the concrete a drop of the god forsaken �paste� slops onto the bottom of the hulking strangers right boot. The old bum smiles and laughs nervously before dropping down and curling into a little ball on the concrete. The stranger smiles and folds his arms again, then snapping his head back clearing the hair from his face.

Stranger: �Get up sir, I�m not going to hurt you.�

The old bum slowly places one hand on the ground and pushes himself back up onto his feet then steadies his balance.

Stranger: �I was just takin another good look at your pitiful appearance. On the outside you appear to be a worthless, arrogant, poor, helpless sixty four year old man wondering where he went wrong in life. But I can smell it from you man, no, it isn�t the smell of liquor and cigarettes, and the occasional smell of vomit. I can even taste it, it�s the smell of success, the will to do anything you want in life, to go anywhere you want to and the ability to stand up to the obstacles in life. You can be just like me, successful in life....... I have my own ways to make money in life. None of that working nine to five ritual that the majority of suckers accept to live for the rest of their miserable, not quite short but pointless lives, paying money to the damned IRS and constantly running the eternal gauntlet against the tax man. Always wondering about what is really out in this big wide world and never really venturing into it, only instead, just settling in front of the television watching spirit crushing, mind numbing holiday programs. Well I say balls to the life of the system, wouldn�t you just rather like to be like me? Talus, I wander the earth, going from location to location, visiting these places, experiencing the wonders of the earth and becoming successful in my own way.�

The old bum looks uncomfortably at Talus, then picks up his liquor bottle and taking a lengthy gulp from the bottle. The old bum removes the liquor bottle from his mouth and places it slowly to the ground. He wipes a little dribble of liquor from his chin and smiles at Talus, then holds out a friendly hand.

Talus extends his hand out towards the old bum and slowly, their hands clasp together before shaking gently, suggesting friendship. The old bums smile turns into a grin, while Talus goes from a stern and controlling, disciplining frown to a forced cracked smile. After a few brief seconds they slowly and simultaneously pull away from the friendly handshake.

Bum: �Yes sir Mr Talus, sir. You are one hundred and ten percent correct. I have longed to make a success out of my myself..... Ever since I lost my wife to another man I became depressed in life, I thought I would never amount to anything. Poor old Sal, all this time sitting in a rain soaked gutter, pissing my life away down bottles of liquor instead of going out there and trying to make something of myself and showing the world that I�m not just down and out living off the good public�s taxes. Look at me I haven�t washed since the last full moon and my beard is fast becoming a warm nest for flies and spiders. I think there�s probably a full scale war taking place in there right now. Now, five minutes after you came and abused me right here in the street...... I feel as if I want to change my life for the better, and maybe take your course in life. Mr Talus, sir, I�m begging you for help. Please get me outta this godforsaken hell hole before I die an old, lonely and disrespected old man.�

Sal the old bum drops to his knees with his hands tightly clasped together in a praying position. As Sal drops to his knees he drops into a small puddle, causing the small puddle to splash water up over his legs. He then buries his head into his hands. He begins crying into his callous infested palms as if suddenly realising his life isn�t perfect and that he is part of the most disrespected group of civilians in society. He starts to sob uncontrollably. Talus looks down at him, still with his arms folded, then he reaches out and grabs Sal by the shoulders, pulling him up onto his feet. Sal takes his hands away from his face and as he does so, a trail of sticky, clinging snot drips from his nose and hands onto Talus� right boot. As the snot begins to slide down the toe of his boot, Talus reaches into the pocket of his large, leather trench coat and pulls out a handkerchief and hands it to Sal. Sal takes the handkerchief from Talus and gives him a grateful nod then wipes the snot from his face. After wiping the snot from his face he bends down to clean the snot from Talus� boot with the snot infested �kerchief. Talus quickly reacts and pulls Sal back onto his feet, slapping him across the face with the back of his hand.

Talus: �Hey don�t do that! Apart from the fact that the �kerchief is cover in snot, I don�t want you to give me any of that shoeshine, boot polishing garbage. Those days have been and gone my friend, you must look to the future. NOW, come, we have to get you smartened up for your new life.�

Sal: �What? My new life where?�

Talus turns round, quickly administering another smack to the face.

*SMACK*

Sal winces and holds his left cheek.

Talus: �Now come on, to the clothes store. We have to smarten you up. Especially the place where we are going. We just can�t have you looking like you crawled out of the gutter~
Whoops, did I just say that? Never mind, come on... To Gucci!�

The scene fades to black and we join Talus and Sal the bum in the nearest Gucci Clothes store. Sal�s beard has been cleaned up and is now its coming-of-age natural white colour. He is standing there at the mirror with a half buttoned up silk blue shirt and black socks with little suspenders that reach up to his knees. He is standing there with a frown firmly stamped across his complexion and his shoulders drooped, giving him the posture of a gorilla. Talus is standing there, looking approvingly at Sal. Also stroking his frizzly goatee with thumb and forefinger in a nice white Gucci suit and slip on shoes is the shop assistant known as Lawrence. He momentarily stops stroking his goatee to flick his long blonde curly hair back then continues the goat stroking. He then places his hand on his waist.

Lawrence: �hmmmmmmmm yessssss, I like the shirt. I think we should go for a yellow tie, and if you don�t mind me saying so because, with all due respect I am the expert here.... a pink suit.�

Talus, standing there with his arms folded as usual, cracks a smile to go along with his muffled laughter. Sal�s eyes widen and he goes into a mixed state of shock. His jaw drops and he tries to get out a few words. Trying to protest against Lawrence�s choice of clothing, or more likely his choice of colour coding. Lawrence goes to the back to fetch the yellow tie and pink suit and then Sal turns around to Talus and manages to get out a few words.

Sal: �.......pink?........what the..........I mean...........oh great....................the man with the purty suit.�

Talus: �Oh com on Sal. About an hour ago you were a down and out wino begging for the change deep in peoples pockets for another bottle of liquor. This suit will make a change from the smelly damp puke covered clothes of yore.� And anyway, this is a new lifestyle we�re finding for you, so put the past where it is supposed to be.�

Sal sighs and turns back round to the mirror and Talus goes back to his arms folded posture. There is a moments awkward silence then Sal sneezes. Lawrence rears his face from around the suit rack holding the pink suit. Sal�s jaw drops and Talus lets out a wry smile, trying to convince everyone that he is a disciplined human being. Lawrence walks up to Sal holding out the pink suit, Sal reluctantly and sharply takes the suit from Lawrence� hands. He slowly slides on the pink blazer, carefully looking at Lawrence just incase he tries anything �funny�. Lawrence stands there, with his right arm folded under his left armpit and biting his nail on his right index finger with an approving smile on his face. As soon as Sal slides the pink blazer over his arms he grabs the pink trousers from Lawrence� hands.

Sal: �You smile an awful lot Lawrence, you�re scaring me.�

Lawrence� smile turns from approving to straight faced.

Lawrence: �What do you mean kind sir?�

Sal goes into a deep frown, but then begins to s******. Talus, sees where this conversation is going and unfolds his arms and takes a short step forward.

Sal: �Well, Lawrence, you are g�.�

Talus quickly and aptly steps forward, rasing an open fist into the air before efficiently and swiftly crashing it down onto the back of Sal�s skull. Sal staggers forward and his eyes slightly glaze over and he drops the pink trousers on the floor. Talus stands there with a demonic and pissed look on his face and his arms tightly crossed. Sal shakes his head and rubs the back of his skull, trying to numb the pain and turns around to confront Talus, but before he can say anything, another backhander is administered across his jaw, spinning him round one hundred and eighty degrees. Sal trips over one of his �bum� sneakers and ends up face first in the buttocks of Lawrence the �nice� shopkeeper. Lawrence, caught by surprise, giggles and falls over into the tie rack, knocking it down to the floor. As it hits the laminated wooden floor it makes a huge deafening crash, spreading the ties out onto the floor in the process. Talus inadvertently lets out a small muffled laugh, cupping his mouth trying not to burst into full laughter. Sal jumps up with a disgusted look on his face, wiping his mouth and spitting out any more �unpleasantries� that might have forced their way into his mouth. Lawrence is lying on the floor, resting his head on his right arm and looking up, that�s right, a smile. Talus tries to hold him back but Sal takes off towards the door, not daring to look back. Talus sighs and then looks at Lawrence lying on the floor, amongst the mess of brightly coloured ties. Talus slowly picks up the pink trousers and takes the yellow tie from around the neck of Lawrence. Talus then reaches into the pocket of his rather large leather trench coat and pulls out around five hundred dollars and throws it into the face of Lawrence who is lying there in a gay filled daze before heading for the exit.

Talus opens the big ten foot glass doors and looks left, down into the dark mains street, the street is empty at that side, he starts to get exasperated until he sees a semi naked Sal in boxers, black suspended socks and a pink blazer jacket running down the right side of the street. The scene fades to black as Talus chases after his new found friend Sal.

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