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Date Posted: 23:08:41 09/22/02 Sun
Author: Peter
Subject: QUOTABLE QUOTES

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who
died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all
the passengers in her car."
Author Unknown.

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at
airports I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield.

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and
natural experiences that money can buy."
Steve Martin.


"My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex,
she objects."
Les Dawson.

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on
my own."
Woody Allen.

"My love life is terrible. The last time I was
inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of
Liberty."
Woody Allen.

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two
people. Between five, it's fantastic."
Woody Allen.

"There are a number of mechanical devices that
increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L
convertible."
Unknown.

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until
you get older. Little things like being spanked
every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay
good money for in later life."
Emo Philips.

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find
a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
Steven Seagal.

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and
a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a
time."
Robin Williams

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."
Paul Rodriguez.

"Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension
and you get a headache, do what it says on the
aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
from children".
A Mom.

Finally, one of the all-time best quotes: In a
recent interview, General Norman Schwartzkopf was
asked if he didn't think there was room for forgiveness
toward the people who have harboured and abetted the
terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was a classic Schwartzkopf said, "I
believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our
job is simply to arrange the meeting."

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