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Date Posted: 22:28:26 08/22/02 Thu
Author: Moondogg
Subject: Pulp Non-Fiction Or Something [4of4]

+++++ The scene is outside the BP mini-mart, where Moondogg & Adam Young are sitting on the curb right outside the store. Police squad cars are everywhere on the gas station property. Moony and Young are back to their normal bitchy selves. Adam Young is visually upset and on the verge of tears. +++++


MOONDOGG:
What's wrong, Adam?


ADAM YOUNG:
We fucking suck, Moony. We're horrible… we cannot do anything right…


MOONDOGG:
What the heck are you talking about?


ADAM YOUNG:
We just stopped that robbery and possibly saved that clerk's life, Moony!


MOONDOGG:
Yeah, we did….


ADAM YOUNG:
We stopped an armed robbery… that's heroism! We're heroes, Moony ~~~ We're supposed to be bad guys, remember? Heels?


MOONDOGG:
Oh shit, you're right! What have we done!


ADAM YOUNG:
It's my fault… I superkicked the first robber! This is all my fault….


MOONDOGG:
I thought it was the second robber you superkicked first? Then I speared the first robber second?


ADAM YOUNG:
What?


MOONDOGG:
Nevermind. But we can make it up… can't we? It could be a "swerve"! People think we've become good guys… and then we get that bulldozer that you always borrow from one of your cousins… and we could demolish this whole gas station.


ADAM YOUNG:
I dunno… I dunno…

+++++ Suddenly, police officers come out the entrance of the mini-mart and they're dragging our two 15-year old robbers. The blond-hair kid and the brunette kid are struggling with the police. +++++


OFFICER #1:
Hey you kids are in enough trouble! You don't want anymore!

+++++ The blond-hair kid doesn't listen and keeps struggling… when suddenly a package falls out of his black coat. +++++


OFFICER #2:
Hey, what's this?

+++++ The police officer leans over and picks up the package and opens it. He pulls out a piece of paper. +++++


OFFICER #2:
It looks like a letter… it says "Dear Marc Chopper, Big Time Wrestling is our favorite wrestling company and it hurts us to see that BTW is doing so badly with money. So we thought we'd donate all the money from our summer jobs to Big Time Wrestling. Hopefully this money will help you get back on television and back wrestling in sold-out arenas! Sincerely… your friends"!

+++++ Officer #1 grabs the blond-hair kid by the back of the neck. +++++


OFFICER #1:
You weren't going to give the money you made from summer jobs! You were going to give stolen money!


BLOND KID:
WE'RE ROBIN HOODS, DAMN IT!! WE ARE FUCKING ROBIN HOODS!!!


OFFICER #1:
You'll have to tell Robin that she won't be double-teamed by you two guys ever again… but don't worry, you'll find plenty of double-teaming in the Sacramento Federal Prison!

+++++ Officer #1 throws the blond kid into the back of the squad car. Other officers launch the brunette into the back along with him. The officers all load up in the squad car and drive off. The view is directed back to Moondogg and Adam Young, and their eyes are like saucers. +++++


MOONDOGG:
Did you hear that!?!?


ADAM YOUNG:
Those kids were going to rob the gas station and give the money to Big Time Wrestling! They were going to give BTW enough money to help the company get back on its feet!


MOONDOGG:
And we stopped the robbery! We kept BTW poor!!


ADAM YOUNG:
WE ARE STILL HEELS!!!

+++++ The Big Time Jerks leap to their feet and start riverdancing in celebration on the sidewalk. END OF THIS WEEK'S PROMOS! +++++

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