Pulp Non-Fiction Or Something [3of4] -- BTW Backup Roleplay Board

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Date Posted: 22:27:06 08/22/02 Thu
Author: Moondogg
Subject: Pulp Non-Fiction Or Something [3of4]

+++++ We find ourselves inside the mini-mart of a gas station. You know what that looks like, right? An aisle of newspapers and magazines, an aisle of canned food, and the other three aisles of candybars, potato chips, beef jerky, poptarts, nutrigrain bars, and donuts. Oh yeah and against three walls is refrigerated soda pop, sports drinks, sugary drinks, wine coolers, and a bunch of beer. +++++

+++++ Now that all our non-obese international friends can picture this wonderful American establishment, we find the view directed towards the fourth wall� which has cigarettes and dirty magazines hanging from it. And there's a little fenced-in area where a poor chum collects the money you pay to 'da man when you want to kill yourself a bit faster. That poor chum is called a "clerk". And thanks to my being friends with Miss Cleo� I can read his thoughts. +++++

CLERK: Fuck this job. I just got here twenty minutes ago and I already want to leave. Only 7 hours and 40 minutes of pure bliss left. God, I hate this fucking place. You think they could at least hook me up with a tiny television set to keep me somewhat sane� but noooo. And fuck my parents for being penny-pinching bastards who won't help me financially with community college. I think that�s it� oh yeah, God bless Aunt Dawn for the cookies she baked me and my friends the other night. The father, the son, and the holy ghost� Amen.

+++++ The clerk lifts his head up and sees BTW wrestlers, Adam Young & Moondogg, walk inside. Of course, he doesn't know they are professional wrestlers. How the fuck is he supposed to watch television or surf the Internet when he has to work this shit job eight hours a day, take classes, and sleep three hours a night? +++++

CLERK: Who the fuck are these idiots? Looks like Wanna-Be and Tex Chex Mix just walked into the door.

MOONDOGG: Hey. How you doing?

CLERK: Hey, just fine and yourself?

MOONDOGG: Just great�

+++++ The view flips over to Adam Young, who is looking through the potato chips when he runs into an 8-year old male kid. +++++

8-YEAR OLD: Hey, bastard! Watch where you're going!

ADAM YOUNG: Don't you talk to me like that! Do you know who the fuck I am?

8-YEAR OLD: Of course, I know who are you. I can't watch professional wrestling, because your sorry ass is competing on every single televised one!

ADAM YOUNG: Except the FWF�

8-YEAR OLD: What's the FWF?

+++++ Adam Young is struck by lightening, because he failed to remember that in BTW� the Fans Wrestling Federation doesn't exist. Don't cheer yet� Adam's not dead. He's still standing. +++++

8-YEAR OLD: I heard you got your ass kicked by an Internet wrestling columnist. That must be embarrassing.

ADAM YOUNG: Where the hell did you hear such crap? No one can beat my ass� much less some sorry Internet dork.

8-YEAR OLD: Eric Szulczewski from 411wrestling.com! You and Moondogg challenged him to a fight, and in the next column he told everyone that he whooped your ass. And Eric doesn't lie!

ADAM YOUNG: See, that's where you fell into my master plan. What actually happened was that Moondogg and I KILLED Eric Shitfacesnauzer and then replaced him with a write-a-like.

8-YEAR OLD: But he said he whooped your asses�

ADAM YOUNG: That's because if would have had the write-a-like type up that he got his ass whipped� everyone would have known he was a fake, because that guy is an asshole who will never admit when he's been made a fool.

8-YEAR OLD: Wow� I never knew that.

+++++ Moondogg comes back to Adam Young to look through some of the munchy food, while the 8-year old kid runs out of the store to his house, so he can log online and write on his website's message board about meeting Adam Young and how they actually murdered a wrestling columnist who wrote bad about them. Oh yeah� seconds after the kid runs out the door� two people in all black clothing and black ski masks rush into the store with guns raised in the air. +++++

ROBBER #1: GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS IN THE AIR! THIS IS A ROBBERY!

ROBBER #2: YEAH! HANDS IN THE AIR!

+++++ The two robbers point their guns at the clerk, who immediately shoots his hands in the air. +++++

ROBBER #1: GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY IN THE REGISTER AND THE SAFE!!!

CLERK: We don't have the�the� combination for the safe, sir�.

ROBBER #1: DON'T FUCKING BULLSHIT ME! I'LL FUCKING BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT IN EXACTLY THREE SECONDS IF YOU DON'T GO AND OPEN THAT SAFE!!

CLERK: Yes, sir!

+++++ The clerk silently moves towards the wall behind him and pulls away the dirty magazine rack to reveal a safe. He unlocks the safe and pulls out the money inside. +++++

ROBBER #1: PUT IT IN A FUCKING PLASTIC BAG!!!

+++++ The clerk immediately complies with his demands. As he's putting the money inside the plastic bag� the second robber turns around and sees Adam Young. +++++

ROBBER #2: Hey Robbie� that's Adam Youn-----

+++++ Adam Young with a superkick to the jaw of the second robber! +++++

ROBBER #1: What?

+++++ The first robber turns around and IS SPEARED INTO THE CLERK'S BOOTH BY MOONDOGG!!! Both robbers' guns go flying onto the floor, where Adam Young quickly rushes over and collects the weapons. From the moves, both robbers lay motionless on the mini-mart floor! +++++

CLERK: FUCK YEAH!

+++++ END SCENE +++++

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