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| Subject: Bad days | |
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Author: Sage |
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Date Posted: 00:44:19 01/31/05 Mon Man I've felt like crap this last weekend. I really need to figure out what I'm gonna do at the end of this semester, I need to get a job and figure things out a bit. After this semester I'm not going to go to school anymore. There's no point in going if I don't know what I'm going for. My mom says I just need to relax and enjoy the semester and things will just come to me, and it will all be ok and work out. But it hasn't been ok for the last 2 years, so what's going to make it ok now? I dunno man, after that chick said she didn't wanna go out anymore I feel like something snapped, and everything isn't ok anymore. I feel confused, angry, and most of all lonely. I guess I really kinda got to like her after friday. She still calls me too, which is confusing as well. I don't understand her. This one time I was working at urgent money, alone, this customer came up to me, a lady, and asked me what was wrong. I asked her "What do you mean?" and she replied "I've never seen someone your age look that way." I asked "What way?". She said "Like the life is being sucked out of your soul." It's exactly how I felt. This weekend I have the same feeling I had back then. It's like having a feeling of complete dispair, wanting to just give up, and a desperation to fix it at the same time. Like I'm being pulled in all directions. I feel like I make mistake after mistake and put myself further in a corner. I also overthink things way too much, and I'm a person who lives in the past. I always wish I could change the way things went in the past, as if it would change how I feel now. Every time I finally feel better or something good happens, shortly after it gets torn away. My friend Greg I hang out with alot seems to be in the same spot as me, only ahead of me. He went to college, quit, and is now just working and living on his own. He's not any happier than I am, and is thinking about joining the military. It might actually not be a bad idea, and I can't believe I'm even thinking of it. At this point I don't know what to think. I have no motivation for anything and I feel like I'm wasting my parents money, and throwing their want for me to succeed back at them. Even though I want to succeed, for them. Alot of times I'll wake up and go right back to sleep. Not because I'm tired, but because I have no reason to get up, other than being on time for school. I would stay asleep all day every day if I could. Just dreaming, always of things that happened in the past. I feel like I'm just drifting and none of it is real. Like I'm just in a bad dream I can't wake up from. Sometimes I wish I could just get on the freeway and drive at night forever, always dark, always moving. I've never felt this bad before, and I think the best word for it is broken. I'm sorry if when I post like this it brings you down. It's not my intention, and if it bothers you I won't post about things like this anymore. [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] |
| Subject | Author | Date |
| Re: Bad days | Mael | 11:27:56 01/31/05 Mon |
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