Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult] -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 09:13:10 07/14/02 Sun
Author: sp99
Author Host/IP: pool-63.53.97.167.nwrk.grid.net / 63.53.97.167
Subject: Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult]
In reply to: AAAAGGGSSS 's message, "Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult]" on 21:19:14 07/13/02 Sat

Hi Al,

Thanks for this critique of which there are parts I must respectfully
disagree as in the one line you chose to highlight. I thought deeply
about this line that I wish to convey that if even if a slap much less
the 30 minutes of hellish fear that this poem is about, happens to
a woman [or even if in reverse] that once is enough and one should
not be sleeping with the perpetuator ever again. Do you not think this
line conveys that? Or perhaps seeing in context
"Starts a new life crawl
Easing herself,
From their never again of bed,
With scenes of recent deep fear,..."
Except I did JUST change 'of' to 'with'...*grin* and I do agree with
Raphaela that this poem needs tightening. Then I must admit I do not
understand what you mean by segments when it is about a one time
only incident as stated, of 30 minutes of time and yes, I agree with
you that sometimes I have a tendency to be "...pushing the poetic limit
and making poetry out of lines of thought,...." and I know I write what
I feel and my upbringing is fraught with influences of 'past, present
and future' and this too comes forth in my writing. As you say, only
time will tell and yet I have seen other poets
use words or phrases
I routinely write so "who knows but One", yes?:-p
Thanks for your thoughts!

>Hii SuSanne
>
>Well you certainly have a way with words, none of us
>can for even a brief moment deny that. It was an
>interestig story, althogh it seemed in segments and
>often I get the feel that you just clobber the
>language so much. This was an interesting phrase -
>
>From their never again of bed,
>
>it is almost as though we need a private course on how
>you speak, hehe, that one was meant in jest.
>
>I used to do that too, twist the words and phrase from
>here to shinoah as though I were giving extra meaning
>or something by inventing my very own placement of
>words, verbs, nouns, you name it. Then I came to the
>bright idea of speaking like the rest of the folk and
>just letting the ideas just come forth like the rest
>of mankind speaks. It worked. It is probably a nice
>language if you are living in the 1100's or so. I
>realize English has gone through alot of changes over
>the years. I think what you may be doing here is
>pushing the poetic limit and makig poetry out of lines
>of thought, although it seems terribly new, and I
>don't know if I can guarentee it to be a winner or a
>looser. I guess time will tell on the popularity.
>You seem to stay with it so I would say just stay with
>this idea and see how it goes. It might be some new
>line of thinking you are coming up with, only time
>will tell. Much gracious wishes, al

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Replies:

Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult] -- Raphaela, 09:44:33 07/14/02 Sun
Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult] -- AAAAGGGSSS, 09:47:45 07/14/02 Sun
- Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult] -- Gemini, 04:28:51 07/15/02 Mon
  - Re: ~Once In '99 ~ [strong adult] -- sp99, 08:03:45 07/15/02 Mon