Re: As In Books -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 21:07:57 07/21/02 Sun
Author: AAAAGGGSSS
Author Host/IP: dialup-63.215.236.220.Dial1.Stamford1.Level3.net / 63.215.236.220
Subject: Re: As In Books
In reply to: SuSanne 's message, "As In Books" on 09:30:12 07/19/02 Fri

heyyy SuSanne

I'm so glad you'rewritting these wonderful poems. It is a tragedy, as you do tell, that hatred exist for the strangest reasons, for example, place of birth, whatnot. You have spelled this out aptly, as far as you go, yet there exist certain distinct problems I will show -

Putting me down when I do not?
So many times these pricks have hurt
As a rose's thorn draws blood
That when spilt, being the ironic hue
Of symbol colour of love.

this is really hot as cool as you think, and let me tell why. The analygy of the rose is true, they do prick, and perhaps draw blood if pricked hard enough, yet this is an analygy you have inserted, something that occured to your mind, therefore to say it has ironic value is really not true, is it? That is that it is opposite to the colour of the symbol of love. You stretched this just a little too far, and as you can see a ton of people will get lost here.

this line

They are so much better than of those

people do not say, "than of those", sorry here Su, they don't

Now you have to know what I'm talking about here. This type of language that you have invented has a hickupping motion to it, as though they're are two of you attempting to tell the story concurrently, and you continuously miss beats, while the other attempts to catch his breath, whatever. It really looses it poetic quality when attempting to get too fancy. Language in itself is absolutely nothing, containing no beauty whatsoever, no matter how we state it, unless founded on beauty, lucidness, and clearity. Hugsss, Al

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Replies:

Re: As In Books -- AAAAGGGSSS, 21:12:23 07/21/02 Sun
Re: As In Books -- sp99, 09:06:58 07/22/02 Mon
- Re: As In Books -- AAAAGGGSSS, 11:32:42 07/22/02 Mon