Alien vs Predator: In space, no one can hear you wish you hadn't wasted your money -- Rhinotainment

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Date Posted: 08:54:40 08/23/04 Mon
Author: Dog of War
Subject: Alien vs Predator: In space, no one can hear you wish you hadn't wasted your money

Much like Freddy vs. Jason, Alien vs. Predator is pretty much a sign that both franchises have run their courses, and the producers are desperate to milk the last few drops of money out of them that they can. The result, in the case of AVP, is a movie so lacking in basic storytelling elements that in fact it's almost impossible to really spoil the movie at all. The plot folows the most basic path, with no surprising (or even interesting) twists or turns along the way: people stumble into an underground pyramid. Aliens in the pyramid wake up. Predators show up to hunt the aliens. People get killed by both while trying to get out. The end.

There is virtually NO character development along the way. In fact, once the aliens and Predators arrive on the scene, a good deal of the cast are killed pretty much instantly. What bits of character development that are present go nowhere: one character, a Scottish scientist, is constantly taking pictures to send to his kids. When he and another explorer are separated from the rest of the group, Scottish guy asks him if he has any kids, and says "For the sake of our sons, we can't give up." They are then promptly attacked by aliens and killed (technically Scottish guy isn't killed right then, he returns later for an utterly pointless scene where he manages to kill a facehugger, only to realize he's trapped in a room full of them, and THEN he's killed).

The big money moment, the fight between Alien and Predator, doesn't even offer up any fanboy charm. The agile, tree hopping Predator from the first movie is replaced by a guy who moves suspiciously like a bad wrestler in a Predator suit. When CGI is employed in the fight scene, it's all so dark and murky you can't even tell what the hell's going on.

Seriously, as summer action movies go (and I do call this an action movie, because there's nothing remotely scary enough about it to call it a horror movie), this one is even dumber than usual. Avoid.

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Replies:

Agreed. Go see Open Water instead -- The Rhino, 17:38:41 08/26/04 Thu
Whatever happened to "Predator 3". -- Silk, 04:34:20 08/29/04 Sun