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Subject: Re: Holding ourselves gently Author: Gill [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ] Date Posted: 02:15:06 02/23/01 Fri In reply to: Cassie 's message, "Re: Holding ourselves gently" on 16:31:23 02/22/01 Thu Wow, Cassie, this is a big one for me too and very current. As some of you know, I have, since last September, been the target of ongoing harrassment from a guy I had a brief (4 month) relationship with last summer. It culminated in him being arrested in January, only for him to jump bail. He's allegedly somewhere in Thailand and let me know this via a postcard and two death threats he left on my answerphone. It has been (and still is, to some extent) an ordeal for me, to say the least. Whilst going through all this I learnt I had to hold the tantric tension, as it were, of fully not-judging him and understanding his woundedness (which was little to do with me, I don't think, and everything to do with years of rage -against women? - bottled up inside him) and yet at the same time taking quick action to protect myself from his abuse. Remember my other posting about the all-forgiving Mother and the Daughter who wants protection? The whole thing drove me nuts - I was so used to playing the all-forgiving, all-understanding Mother. But this was too much! The universe, as it were, DEMANDED that I stop analysing and forgiving and understanding HIS problems and start being a little more ruthless and standing up for this weak, vulnerable bodymind. For although there was compassion there, the paradox of being a limited woman as well as the Onlyness forced me to invoke the best of Kali that I could! I would call this discrimination, rather than judgement. Or perhaps the paradox never goes away - that we can forgive ourselves and others and at the same time sometimes have to make sound judgements and/or decisions about our and others' behaviour. A bit like having a child - you can love them unconditionally but simultaneously not approve of all they do! Hope this posting makes sense - I'd be interested in others' comments. Gill [ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]