| Subject: Re: Holding ourselves gently |
Author:
Cassie
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Date Posted: 16:31:23 02/22/01 Thu
In reply to:
CC
's message, "Re: Holding ourselves gently" on 09:28:50 02/22/01 Thu
Wow CC, this is so big for me. What you've said here is just the piece of discriminatory work I have been needing to do down here in hell. I am so grateful.
Let me try to take this even one step farther. I am seeing that my self-judgments are directly proportional to my judgments of others. And that this is where they get their power. Because there is some boomerang mechanism that takes place here. The way in which I judge others turns around to be the way in which I judge myself.
I've just been reading a book that brought this home to me. I don't usually read books about true crime, but serendipitously I was handed this book by my mother in law to read because the events took place in my home town. I found myself, as I read, feeling polarized and judgmental of this man who hired someone to murder his wife, who flouted the law continuously and was cold blooded about it all. After reading your posting I just felt into this. I saw that everything I held against this man, I was also holding against myself. Not that I have murdered anyone, but that I have felt just as cold blooded toward others as he does, I have flouted the law (I NEVER go to bed on time) and so on. This may sound silly, but to me it is quite real that this man has done nothing that I am not capable of doing if there were not other parts of me that held these impulses in check. All my parts and aspects add up to a wholeness that have kept me from being him. He is me without those checks and balances and that is the only difference.
This has been so profound for me. I then went through a ritual in which I released this man from the projections of my disowned stuff and oh my god. I feel so different. Almost human. I think that my JUDGE is in the process of being deposed.
I can see others whom I have judged serving me in the same way. I can see all my judgments (both self and other) coming to rest in this profound realization. This is so huge, so life changing. Thank you.
And thank you everyone else, and especially Gill, for being a part of Ariadne's thread that has led me here. It feels to me like Being is here in this "room", in these words, ever at work, never missing a beat, leading us where we need to go.
Gratefully, Cassie
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