Doom Noodles -- RWF Roleplay Board

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Date Posted: 04:33:35 04/11/03 Fri
Author: Dr Doom
Subject: Doom Noodles

Doom is taking his daily stroll through the mountain, when he suddenly recieves a flashback of an event the other week when he woke up after a month or so of slumber. He addresses it out loud.

Doom : I bought a bloody pot-noodle company!? Since when!?

He storms off towards Alexandra's office, and kicks the door down. Except the door doesn't fall over, and Doom just hurts his toes. He grunts in pain and pushes the door open. Alex quickly hangs up a phone on seeing Doom, and pretends she was never using it. She looks up at Doom.

Alex : Yes?

Doom : What do you mean, I bought a pot-noodle company?! When?

Alex : Ey?

Doom : I bought a pot-noodle company, you said. When?

Alex : Oh, you did that MONTHS ago. That's where we got t-shirt funding from.

Doom : T-shirts? We don't produce any t-shirts.

Alexandra pushes a plastic shopping bag out of Doom's sight.

Alex : No, but some of us NEED t-shirts.

Doom raises an eyebrow.

Doom : I demand to see this pot-noodle company!

Alex : You don't have to demand, you own it!

Doom : What a marvellous country...

A few hours later, Doom, Alexandra, Amara and Apocalypticus arrive at the company's main headquarters near the Juno Ghettos. The four sit on one side of a fairly long meeting table, with two important people of the branch (manager, not-quite manager) sitting on the other side of the table.

Doom : Noodle Potts!? NOODLE POTTS?! That's what you called them? That is terrible! And how inconsiderate! You should have thought to consider your glorious company owner and called them Doom Noodles.

Manager : They've been called Noodle Potts since the company was founded by Nigel Potts in 1899.

Doom : I don't care!

Manager : You should care. Nigel was a wonderful man who donated money to charities, helped old ladies across the road, tied knots for boy scouts... All he ever asked was that his company remained in his name.

Doom : Tough! All of those good deeds you speak of are not despicable enough for my liking! Mr Potts should've been more diabolical like myself. I command you to rename my product to Doom Noodles.

The manager and the guy who isn't quite manager look at each other and sigh.

Both : Very well.

Doom : Good. Now, I demand that you stop production of all Noodle Potts pots and use THIS design for the pots...

He hands over a bit of paper. The two men, who actually do work at the (formerly) Noodle Potts headquarters, look at the bit of paper. One raises an eyebrow, the other just furrows his brow in concentration.

Not Manager : What the hell is that?

Manager : It's pretty fat. Is it a pig? We don't do bacon flavour.

Doom : No, you moronic nincompoops! That's a picture of me holding a microwave and obliterating mankind, THAT's what THAT is!

Manager : Since when could our noodles be microwaved?

Doom : Since now because I say so! Now shut up and do as I say, or I'll have your wife kidnapped!

Manager : I'm...

Not Manager : {interrupts}...he's gay.

Everyone on the other side of the table giggles and sniggers.

Doom : Fine, then I'll have your boyfriend/husband/man-bitch kidnapped, and then I'll give you two weeks to change the noodles to be microwaved. Each week that passes I'll send you a microwaved bollock!

The manager blinks.

Manager : What?

Doom : Exactly. {stands up} See to it.

The four exit the room, leaving the manager and the other guy at the meeting table.

Not Manager : Who the hell was that?

Manager : I think he owns the company.

N. Manager : What a prick.

Scene fades out.

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