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Date Posted: Monday, August 21, 01:43:29pm
Author: dee
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 47.155.97.248
Subject: Sadly, I'm not surprised about Joss.

I read his ex-wife's essay and do believe the words she quoted to be his.
Him being a prolific writer, I'm sure there were many letters, texts and emails.
Admitting to over 15 years of emotional and physical affairs and blaming it on male patriarchy?
I call bullshit on that excuse.

One of the things he told his wife struck me most, as I agree with her about his particular brand of male-feminist hypocrisy...
From conversations and writings between them:

... to help me understand how he could have lied to me for so long, he said, "In many ways I was the HEIGHT of normal, in this culture. We're taught to be providers and companions and at the same time, to conquer and acquire-- specifically sexually-- and I was pulling off both!"


He wasn't the height of normal. He was the height of typical. Big difference.

I'll never stop loving the Buffyverse.
It means too much to me.
So there's that.

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[> sadly, yeah. -- AurraSing, Monday, August 21, 08:38:21pm (d154-20-59-185.bchsia.telus.net/154.20.59.185)

I think where I started diverging from the Whedonverse was the overall theme that all relationships were doomed-in hindsight I think that was a big fat clue to all of us and I was pretty vocal about how much I hated it. That and "Dollhouse" which I simply could not watch. From looking at commentary on Mefi to the news, a lot of what is coming out is no news to a lot of folks and sadly a lot of former fans have pulled out some very big knives in regards to what Joss said and what he was doing in the background, apparently quite happily.

Agreed that there is still lots of good in looking back. We had some great female performances in a time when most young women were still just there to back up the male stars of the show. Some fantastic storylines and fascinating characters.

My heart goes out to Kai and all partners who are betrayed by their loved ones. It's sadly true that only the ones you love can hurt you this bad and maybe we all need to be a little more hard hearted, a little more centred around self preservation to deal with the fact that people will screw you over even as they profess their love and innocence to you.

(There is a telling silence from a couple of the Instagram accounts I follow of folks I didn't realize were a part of this. At least one I would say is keeping mute because I suspect she would have been a bit of a victim initially...it's sad)

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[> [> understood. -- dee, Monday, August 21, 09:58:25pm (NoHost/47.155.97.248)

I do remember you talking about the whole bullshit of the "relationships are doomed" theme that ran through a lot of his work in the late 90s and well into the 2000's.
I never watched Dollhouse myself. Felt no connection.

Thank you for responding to this, AS.
Happy to know you're out there, really.
And to know that some really good things have come out of my true love for Buffy and her world, which means I have to be true and acknowledge Joss with all his gifts and faults. *hug*

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[> [> [> Exactly. *hugs* -- AS, Tuesday, August 22, 11:25:03pm (d154-20-59-185.bchsia.telus.net/154.20.59.185)

To be honest, it was my two kids who broke the news to me about this essay, Andy texted Ali and she passed it on. My kids grew up with Buffy and Firefly-they are more cynical than I recall being at their ages but with privacy being less and less of a thing these days, they took this news with some eye rolling and moved on. I tend to have a very low tolerance for bullshit these days so I am less angry than some fans but yeah, I still think the good outweighs the bad when it comes to a fair bit of what Joss has helped create over the years. After hearing this news and looking at the last two creative efforts he worked on (Avengers 2 and the Wonder Woman script), I'm quite happy to not watch anything more he directs or produces...they both were pretty drecky.

There has been a lot of arguing about feminism and cheating and enabling and false faces the past couple of days in the fandom. I think my lesson learned is going back to that old saying of "If it's too good to be true, it probably isn't" Which is sad and makes me think we should be a little more willing not to put public figures on a pedestal because like most of us, their feet of clay will trip them up some day.

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