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Date Posted: 10:31:07 04/21/03 Mon
Author: donnabelle70
Subject: We had to deal with this issue in October of '01 when DH's grandfather died (m)
In reply to: Jeanne 's message, "Funeral question" on 09:29:25 04/21/03 Mon

I had my friend come to our house and stay with Spenser so that he would not be attending. It was a viewing/funeral and I especially didn't feel he needed to be there for the viewing. I don't think that small children should be subjected to that kind of service...I think it's confusing and also disruptive to the adults who are truly there to mourn. I was APPALLED (though I don't know why I expected anything more of their parents) that DH's cousins brought their children....ages 1 1/2, 2 1/2, 3 1/2 and 6 1/2...and then proceeded to let them run around during the service! I was about ready to pick a couple of them up myself and remove them from the sanctuary when they ran by me. I probably would have, too, except their parents didn't seem to even be PHASED by their behavior. I have issues with their parenting, though, can you tell?

So, my 2 cents...FWIW...I would definitely tell Julia and perhaps let her go to the gravesite in a few weeks to leave flowers or something like that so she can 'say goodbye' if you feel she needs that closure...but I think I would concentrate on having her do some of her beautiful artwork for your friend's husband and let her bake something for HIM, etc. Just maybe let her express her love for your neighbor in those ways rather than put her in a situation where people are mourning and she might not understand it.

One other thing to take into consideration when reading my opinion....I never went to a single funeral until after I was MARRIED! Including my grandfather's because I was in college and couldn't get to it.

Anyway, JMHO! My condolences on your neighbor. HUGS!!!

Donna

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