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Date Posted: 13:06:58 04/22/03 Tue
Author: marshun(Martha)
Subject: Thank You all for your support and PLEASE, don't stop posting to me...m
In reply to: marshun(Martha) 's message, "Well, DH and I had the rest of our talk(for now) last night....more" on 09:05:27 04/22/03 Tue

I need other perspectives to all this and I need to hear them. I know I am a bit too close to the situation to see it extreamly clearly.

To answer some questions, The only way to tell if DH is using or not is to actually smell it on him. His sleeping habits are something that a depressed person does as well and I KNOW he is depressed.

As for this not being a normal activity, I agree it is not. I also know that DH is surrounded by people who use on an ongoing basis, most have children of their own so the idea of being caught/arrested/losing custody does not seem like a real threat to him. As for how old he is, he is 46. Yes, he should definately know better.

He states that he doesn't go out and he doesn't have any other vices, so that is part of why I am making too much out of it. But I also told him that I do not go out anywhere either(but I do not have any of these vices). When we first started living together, he would go out almost every night drinking at the local club/bar. He got two DUI's in 3-4 years. Because he went into rehab, they counted the second as just a first offense.

Do I trust him....well, if he doesn't have a money supply, he MAY not be able to get any....although some could give it to him on credit(which is what I feel was going on).I feel that every day I am going live with the fear of whether he is getting some or not........

I do think the HE belives he can do this on his own. I know the signs of his crashing and I just do not want to see where the next one leads. I feel that he is resentful against me. That I think whatever he does is not good enough. He is helping out around the house more, helps with laundry and getting it folded, he is doing dishes at night and helps clean up some after the kids. These are all things he has not done in a LONG time. I believe he thinks I want him to be something he is not and that I will NEVER be satisfied. I just want him to be happy with life in general and I have told him that. I don't even think he believes that is something that could be accomplished.

GINGER....I meant to post this to you before, but you are right. Part of my depression that I go through is related to him. It has to do with him when I am feeling taken advantage of, when I don't take out my anger on him, I have conditioned myself to walk on egg shells, instead of truely living life. I need to change all that and I am working on it. I have sent a couple of people a series of questions, but they still have not e-mailed me back answers. That is holding up my progress and I can not go any further until they do answer them.

Well, That is it for now. The kids and I need to go to the store.

Cyber Hugs,
Martha

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Replies:

  • Martha, I don't have much more to add b/c my thoughts are very similar to the others that have posted, -- jobb1, 14:24:53 04/22/03 Tue
  • Jackie....more -- marshun(Martha), 21:18:46 04/22/03 Tue
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