| Subject: The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove72 |
Author:
Schnee
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Date Posted: 10:25:46 04/01/01 Sun
In reply to:
Schnee
's message, "The Ubiquitous Mr. Lovegrove" on 18:57:34 03/30/01 Fri
Why did I leave her behind?
The question plagues me as I try to remain unseen. Hearing my sister’s voice invoked in me the fear of being exposed, causing me to quickly flee. But if I had kept my composure, I would have thought to take Nikita with me.
Now I can only uncomfortably watch from behind this headstone as Nikita converses with my sister. It’s not that I think Nikita will reveal anything she shouldn’t. She’s been trained in the art of deception. But I’m uncertain as to how much Michel saw. Did he get a good look at me? Did he make the connection?
As he says nothing more, and instead seems more intent on child-like activities, my anxiousness subsides. But I cannot tear my eyes from the sight of Nikita befriending my sister. Nikita has a certain charm that puts even the shiest person at ease. And my sister is no different from any of the others. Marie is caught, hook, line, and sinker, as she trusts Nikita with the story of my death.
Nikita’s eyes betray her sympathy for my sister as she struggles to reply, “You’ve lost a lot. Parents and a brother. I couldn’t imagine….”
Yes, Marie has lost much. I’ve often worried about her state of mind, having tragically lost so many around her. Especially all the people who once watched over her. I wish I’d considered her more before getting caught up in the fiery passion of Rene’s words as a youth. Overly focused on my own personal pain, I not only failed to consider her, but anyone else for that matter. How else can someone bring themself to kill innocent people for another person’s vision of justice?
“Yeah, you could say that. But I’ve also been very blessed. I have a wonderful husband and son. And another baby on the way. I can’t help but think those who have gone before me are watching over us.” Marie’s words touch me deeply.
Despite being forced to watch from a distance, I remained intent in watching over her through Section’s channels. But it is only up close that I can now see that she has truly moved on, finding happiness in the wake of loss. Marie has learned to love again and to focus on the hope the future brings. After so many years of living with the pain, it is only with Nikita’s aid that I began to learn that lesson. In fact I am still learning.
Witnessing Marie’s protruding belly, I’m reminded that life moves on, with or without us. It pleases me greatly to see has been blessed again with motherhood. Even as the ‘baby’, Marie always cooed over the small children she encountered. And young Michel appears to be like any other boy his age—intent on play. I smile as I witness his display of bravery wielding his stick as a weapon, undoubtedly prepared to slay a dragon or some other beast. Seeing his antics reminds me of my own son. Adam could have been a good playmate for Michel. Cousins close in age. Unfortunately Michel will never know his cousin Adam or the child Nikita carries.
However, my logical nature stares back at me. If I hadn’t been angry over my parents death and joined forces with Rene, then I never would have ended up inside Section. Without Section, I never would have met and married Simone. I never would have seduced Elena. Adam would not exist. And Nikita…
I would have never met Nikita.
I cannot revise the pieces of my life to fit in a way that pleases me. Each event hinged on another. Each making me the man I am today. Each success and each setback driving me forward into tomorrow.
I should have known Marie would come here on the day of Mama’s birthday. Just as we did that first year after she died. It should not have come as a surprise. But I had convinced myself that it would be safe to come here. I needed to come here. To remember and put my life in perspective. For it is time to move forward and to prepare for the new life Nikita and I are about to embark on. And for the new life we are bringing into this world.
With farewells exchanged, I watch as Nikita walks back toward the church. Marie, with her rosary threaded around her fingers, begins to pray.
And I close my eyes to offer up a silent prayer, as the repentant sinner, seeking forgiveness and peace.
~~~~~
Forgot to note on the previous chapter that the French translation was graciously provided by kadyn and that Michel was the name given in the scripted version of Half Life for Michael's nephew, though it was never used in the aired version. No name was given for Michael's sister, so I decided to use the name Marie again. :)
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