God damnit, why the hell can't I be GOOD at something?! -- The Brink of Madness!

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Date Posted: 20:56:44 07/19/03 Sat
Author: Heroic Aggravation
Author Host/IP: 66.189.225.112
Subject: God damnit, why the hell can't I be GOOD at something?!

Just now I've been looking at various comics online, how-to-draw sites and books galore, spend bits and pieces of my feeble life trying to sketch something worthwile. Instead, I get a group of scribbles that border on the "failure" and "absolute shit" axes (not the medievel weaponry...it's the plural of "axis"). So how the hell can I NOT draw? I can barely able to maintain a stick figure drawing, and even those are vastly disproportionate and hideous. But look at the banner up there...look at all those rediculous profile images. Each and every one of them was drawn by some fucker with some ungodly ability to take a pen and draw something that's WORTH looking at and is easy on the eye. When I try to draw something HAPPY, the eyes and smile look more like he's MURDEROUS. I try to draw anger, and I get anxiety instead.

So then I'm playing with this kickass Acid Pro program, which essentially let's you pick music apart, glue it together or do just about anything you can IMAGINE to it. It even lets you mesh songs together, creating one massive compilation. And you can create techno with various instruments and loops, and if you were the singing type, I'd imagine you could insert your recordings and make a REAL song. So I'm a fan of techno...and I love movie soundtracks and stuff...I'll give it a shot. FUCK no. Even with a program as powerful as this, the meaning of "beauty" is lost upon me even in the sense of the rythmetic. They simply suck, my productions. Though I DID make one compilation for Faye, that chick I'm always bitching about, which I think is at least acceptable, despite me lacking a real taste in music. Turns out to be some 7 mb or so, and 7 minutes 11 seconds long.

Ok, so you're probably thinking "Oh but Shaun you're such a wonderful writer!" or "You're so good with...well...internety stuff! Web sites, boards, the GRAPHICS to them, HTML, etc etc!", and my reply would be, "So?".

When talking to a guy, how many girls will be turned on when they hear, "Well, I have a message board called the Brink of Madness, fully equipt with kickass graphics and profiles for every poster there...the colors and banner match perfectly. To behold it is to taste the sweet nectar of perfection." ? They wanna hear, "I wanna go get drunk with you and fuck you so hard your vision's all backwards. Let's make out."

So I'm a good writer. So what? So I'm good martial artist. So what? Big deal, nobody cares about that. You tell someone your a writer, they'll be like, "Lemme guess....D&D?". Tell someone your a martial artist and they'll be all, "Oooooh so basically you suck at all sports but still needed a hobby where you move around a little?" These aren't the skills that people care about unless you have a reason to show them off. Great. Well, I need a newspaper to print one of my reviews/rants, and I need some poor sap to get in a fight with me. Obviously, these don't happen often.

I can't stand it. I'm sick of not being good at something that MATTERS.

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Replies:

Hm....it's rather dull tonight.....maybe because everyone else has a FUCKING LIFE? -- Hero, 21:02:11 07/19/03 Sat
Hmm, it seems that you're mixed up.... -- Jessa, 00:00:26 07/20/03 Sun
- If you only KNEW how many of us AREN'T drunk all the time there were, you'd think so much differently... -- Hierophant, 18:02:29 07/20/03 Sun
  - I'm sorry...but I totally missed the relavance of that... -- Jessa, 23:05:04 07/23/03 Wed
    - *LOL* -- Heroic Misdirection, 23:22:54 07/23/03 Wed
      - dude its all part of growing up. Take my dad, for instance.. -- Hierophant, 22:57:03 07/24/03 Thu
        Are you suggesting that by killing brain cells with a bad habit, one can actually be a rocket scientist? (NT) -- Hero of Time, 23:02:04 07/24/03 Thu
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