Kind of inspired by 'By Grand Central Station I sat down and wept' -- Some Let Me Make You

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Date Posted: 06:43:14 05/08/01 Tue
Author: luke
Subject: Kind of inspired by 'By Grand Central Station I sat down and wept'

Her hair golden, glinting like a river
In the sun. I�m drowning in broad daylight
Sitting, lying, eating here on the beach
Crunchy lettuce and cherry tomatoes
Cucumbers in soft white pillows of bread
Her hair tickling my lips as she reaches
Over me, into the ice, for sparkling
Water. She squeezes my hand, smiles at me
Like a boy I met once, with soft green eyes
Whose smell I sometimes wake trying to catch
Like a butterfly or a waterfall
As it retreats, leaving me lying alone
With some woman. I smile back like the boy
That I am and we kiss like cherry
Tomatoes. Another couple walking
Their bare feet splashing in the shifting edge
Of the sea, sand streaming between their toes
Looks like two women, but it�s hard to tell
At this distance. The last drop of red wine
The sun a cherry tomato hovering
Above the horizon, I lie, my head
On his chest, his breath rocking it like a boat
On the sea. They pass us and it�s a man
And a woman, both tall, slender, graceful
They could almost be sisters, holding hands
The sun�s gone and I shiver in his arms
He reaches over me to place his coat
Over my bare smooth legs. Lying like this
I can drink his smell. I am like the cat
With its gluttonous head in the milk dish
Someone is holding my head under and
I�m drowning in the twilight, in her hair
And his smell.

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Replies:

[> I want replies to this speedily or I'm gonna get mad. -- luke, 09:18:08 05/25/01 Fri

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[> well i've already told you that this made me almost ashamed for ever writing. i thought it was absolutely incredible. absolutely everything here works for me. i mean EVERYTHING apart from the butterfly waterfall bit (sounds pretentious or something like that). but lulke i seriosuly think this is the best thing i've ever seen of yours. -- zeina, 13:34:22 05/25/01 Fri

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[> I like the idea behind the poem, and the developement throughout. Some of the description in here is really good. It manages to both please and shock the reader at the same time, which is impressive. However, the use of 'like' can be a bit tedious, or is there an ulterior motive in its use? Overall, very challenging and very well written. -- tim, 13:37:19 05/25/01 Fri

I like the idea behind the poem, and the developement throughout. Some of the description in here is really good. It manages to both please and shock the reader at the same time, which is impressive. However, the use of 'like' can be a bit tedious, or is there an ulterior motive in its use? Overall, very challenging and very well written.

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[> PS I love the description of the lettuce, the cucumber and the tomato...particularly the recurrence of the tomato throughout the poem -- tim, 13:38:33 05/25/01 Fri

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[> [> oh yeah i think i forgot to say how much i loved the description of the lettuce, the cucumber and the cherry tomato too :) -- zeina, 13:40:38 05/25/01 Fri

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[> I replied to this I am sure, but the reply doesn't seem to be there? anyway, just in case: really good. nice deveopement; simultaneously shocks and pleases the reader making for a great poem. 'Like' used a bit too much, or is there an ulterior motive for this? maybe go more metaphoric, as opposed to using similes. Love the description of the sanwich. Overall really good, I really enjoyed it. -- tim, 14:30:52 05/25/01 Fri

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