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Date Posted: 20:47:23 06/05/01 Tue
Author: si
Subject: i agreed with zeina and james about 'wrong', but thought a fair amount of the rhyme in the rest of the excerpt worked. overall, though, i thought it lacked focus, so instead of appreciating the moments which worked, i was left unsure what you were really trying to achieve...
In reply to: luke 's message, "...be wrong. the change of rhyme in the last threes lines is good too, slows it for a conclusion. I'd be interested to know whether you (or si for that matter) hated the rhyme in my unfinished piece as much as Zeina Muna and James Barbour did." on 17:28:18 05/26/01 Sat


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