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Date Posted: 17:09:10 12/01/05 Thu
Author: lynda
Subject: My angel baby Nikkolai

I had lost my son on 7-3-05 due to SIDS. It was the worst day of my life. I was the one that was there to give him CPR befor anyone had came to help. I never felt so helpless so much pain befor ever. I know that i didnt want to do anything after loosing my son. I still cant get that this is real and that it happened to me. Sometimes i think that this all a bad dream and one day i will wake up and my baby boy will be right next to me were he is suppost to be but i know that that is not going to happen, that this is my life and no matter how much i wish i could just leave and never feel anything again no more pain no more hurt but i know that i can't do that. I know that my daughter needs me hear for her. I don't know what to do anymore sometimes the pain herts so much more then other days that i dont think i can make it. All i want is to be happy for sometime and no more hert for a long time but i know that, that is not going to happen i just hope that i have the will to keep going on and that there is no more hert for a long time because if i have anymore hert to soon i dont think that i will be able to make it.

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