<Center><i>I'm just a shell of a man </center></i> -- Natalie's Apartment

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Date Posted: 22:06:17 01/10/05 Mon
Author: Jake
Subject: I'm just a shell of a man

He didn't know how he was going to tell Natty, or how he was going to face up to Aly when she found out what kind of man he really was. He'd been sitting on this porch for nearly twenty minutes, refusing to walk up the steps to Natalie's apartment because he was to much of a wimp, he had no guts or spine whatsoever. If he had any sorts of balls, he wouldn't have let his friend take the fall for him, he wouldn't have let his best friend be sitting in a five by seven foot jail cell right now. But he was, Adam, sweet, tenderhearted Adam, the good one, he was awaiting a meeting with the grand jury in the morning because he had covered for Jake. He was grateful, of course, but how was he supposed to live with that? He had actually had tears in his eyes when the cops had come in and taken Adam away in cuffs from the interrogation room. At that moment, Jake had felt like the lowest creation on earth but he just couldn�t get up the nerve to stand up and tell them that they were making a mistake, that they had the wrong guy. Adam hadn�t even talked to him about taking the fall; he had just selflessly stood up and took care of things the way he deemed they needed to be taken care of. The only thing he said was to tell Natty that he loved her and that he would call her as soon as he could. Jake had just nodded silently, biting his lip so hard he could taste the blood as it seeped out over his tongue. Plus, he had to go out and face Brandon and Gavin and it had all just been so incredibly hard and just�made him want to die. Giving up on the plain cigarette, he pulled out a laced one, lighting it up and taking a long hit before he sighed. Once he finished this he would pull out the courage to go up and tell his sister and Alyson. He knew his girlfriend was there; she was keeping Natty company and trying to keep her sane because she was just worrying so much. His brow furrowed as he ran one hand over his head, trying to figure out where he had gone so wrong in his life, when it had all started. That train of thought took so long that the joint was burning his fingers, waking him out of his reverie. It was time to face the music. With a sigh, he extinguished the paper and tossed it over the edge of the porch into the snow covered brush there before clearing his throat and heading up the stairs. He knocked quietly on the door first before he pushed his way in, his head poking around the heavy door. �Nat? Aly?� He called out before stepping in, closing the door behind him though he didn�t take off his jacket or shoes, chances were he�d be getting tossed out of there shortly anyways.

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