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Jake Tanner, the NEW Windy City Champion
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Date Posted: 14:27:18 02/13/02 Wed
**The scene opens up in the home of Jake Tanner. However, something's not right. It doesn't take a brain scientist, (or a rocket surgeon for that matter), to figure out what: the place is trashed. And I mean just totally DESTROYED. Not one piece of furniture is standing in the proper upright position as we pan through all of the rooms. The floor is littered with everything imaginable in a trash can. Pizza crusts, beer cans, soda cans, paper plates, paper cups, plastic utensils, glass shards, napkins, shreds of paper, soda, beer, water, some strange greenish-brown liquid, cigarette butts, and, of course, no garbage pile would be complete without a banana peel, which is lying at the top of the stairs. The picture frames are either crooked or off the wall completely. Every-so-often here and there you can spot a piece of clothing. There's only one thing you can say for all of this chaos: THAT WAS ONE HELL OF A PARTY!**
**We finally make it into the bedroom of the Madman From Queens, Jake Tanner. Here we see him and Lisa Catera sprawled out on the bed, half covered in the sheets. Lisa is naked and is covered all sexy like. Tanner is wearing boxers, the newly won Windy City Title resting across his chest. He stirs slightly and rolls to his right, falling of the bed moaning to himself...**
Jake Tanner: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, MAN. What a hangover. (chuckling to himself) What a night. Lisa? Lisa, you up?
Lisa: Mmmmmm?
Jake Tanner: Did all the guests leave?
Lisa: Ugh. I think so. I HOPE so.
Jake Tanner: Hehehehe. Yep. You sure have one hell of a mess to clean up.
Lisa: Yeah.......WAIT, wait, wait. What do you mean, ME?
Jake Tanner: We'll hell woman, I sure as hell can't do it! I got things to do today! This belt comes with responsibilities, ya know.
Lisa: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Jake Tanner: Good. Well I gotta go. See ya.
**Jake puts on his faded blue jeans, a short-sleeved white muscle shirt, his dark brown work boots, and his favorite pair of sunglasses. As he approches the stairs he turns his head to look back at the bedroom. He thinks to himself what a gem he has found in that woman. Beautiful woman. Money. And now gold to boot. Nothing can go wrong today....**
Jake Tanner: SH*T!!!!!!!!
**Jake slips on the banana peel and takes a tumble down the stairs. His title goes flying and his sunglasses land in the greenish-brown puddle. He keeps on rolling until he crashes into an overturned leather chair...**
Jake Tanner: OW! Son of a bitch!
Lisa (from upstairs): What the hell was that? Are you alright?
Jake Tanner (dusting himself off): Goddammit. Yeah, I'm fine. I slipped on a banana peel and fell down the stairs.
Lisa: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jake Tanner: And just what the hell is so funny about THAT?
Lisa: Ahaha! You slipped on a BANANA PEEL? Doesn't that only happen in like cartoons?
Jake Tanner (annoyed and a little embarassed): Obviously not. Where's my title? Where's my glasses?
**Tanner finds his title on top of an empty pizza box. He looks around for his glasses until he sees them sitting in the unknown liquid...**
Jake Tanner: Ewwwwwwwwwwww!
**So AFTER washing his glasses and dusting off his Windy City Title, Jake Tanner decides that from now on, nothing can go wrong today. Placing the belt gently in the passenger-side seat of his red RT-10 Viper, Jake tears off toward the HWA Arena. Popping in a CD, he cranks up the volume as Linkin Park can be heard on the streets of Chicago. Nice music. Nice beat. Very loud. Very cool. That's what The Madman From Queens felt like. The epitome of cool. What an amazing week. Jake pulls into the back of the HWA Arena. As he walks toward the wrestler's entrance, he points his keys at the car. The familar "boop-beep-boop" can be heard as he meets Joey, the new security guard assigned to have the wrestlers sign his little clipboard. Real exciting stuff Jake thought as he made his way toward the man who was dozing...**
Jake Tanner: Hey slappy!!!
Joey: WHO? Huh? What? OH! Oh, good afternoon Mr. Tanner.
Jake Tanner: Please, call me Jake.
Joey: O.K. Jake, sign here please.
Jake Tanner: Yeah, yeah, I know the drill.......You realize how useless your job is right?
Joey: NO.....Maybe.....yes.
Jake Tanner (slapping Joey on the shoulder): Just as long as you know.
**Tanner smiles to himself as he proceeds to enter the arena...**
Jake Tanner: Hahahaha. WHOO!! What a week!
**Jake makes his way through the halls, recieving congratulations from various personell who work in the arena. Just as he's about to open the door to his locker room, Max Wulf steps in front of him with a microphone and a grin, as a cameraman practically shoves the camera in his face....**
Max Wulf: JAKE TANNER! Just the man I've been looking for!
Jake Tanner: I told you Max. I don't swing that way.
Max Wulf (obviously insulted): Ha ha. Yeah. You're always the kidder, Tanner. Now, why don't you give me an interview about you're performance at "In The Beginning", hm?
Jake Tanner: Why don't YOU kiss my ass, Wulf?! But I tell ya what. Since I'm in such a good mood today, I'll give you that interview. Come inside, slappy. WHOO!!
**The two men sit down, and after the usual greeting to the fans, Max begins the interview...**
Max Wulf: So, first things first. What is with all of the "whooing" lately?
Jake Tanner: I can't help it. It's a declaration of emotion. It feels good to whoo. I enjoy it, the fans seem to like it, so why stop now? WHOO!!
Max Wulf: Whoo, indeed. So what is it like to finally capture gold here in the HWA?
Jake Tanner: Not to sound cocky or anything, but it was inevitable. A man can't be offered so many chances at championships and not triumph even once. I say, it's about damn time! This Windy City Title here means a lot to me. I know how much it means to the HWA and it fans. It signifies this entire federations history. Makes ya feel important, ya know?
Max Wulf: Well, I can't say that I do. I'm not gonna be winning HWA titles anytime soon.
Jake Tanner: Awwww. Well, you'll always be the Champion Of Losers to me.
Max Wulf: Gee, thanks. Aaaaaaanyway, what were your thoughts on the performances of your fellow superstars at the PPV?
Jake Tanner: Most everyone did a great job in my view....'Cept maybe for that El Retardo fella. And that was just SICK what happened to Pimp 2 Dope. That was amazing!
Max Wulf: Yes, we all know the brutal attack he recieved at the hands Krazy King Mike. Back on the topic, what is with that Phil character? I talked with him while I was *ahem* in the hospital. What's his deal?
Jake Tanner: HAHA. Yeah I heard you two were roommates. Yeah, well, I dunno. This Phil guy seems to be dumber than you Wulf, if that's possible. He actually tried to attack me at the PPV. Well, just like I did to the other competitors, I did a little side step and WHOO!!! Phil is no more. Jackass. Yet I have a feeling I haven't seen the last of him.
Max Wulf: Maybe. Well, this coming Fear, you will have your first title defense against the one they call Mystic. What are your thoughts on that?
Jake Tanner: Mystic, eh? I was unaware of this. Hm. No matter. See this? This shiny gold belt right here? This is MY Windy City Title. I'll be damned, I'll be DAMNED, if I hold this title for less than a week. I've worked my ass off to get this belt. I'm gonna walk into Fear, WHOO, and I'm walkin' out still the HWA Champion. WHOO!!!
Max Wulf: Yeah, well, thanks for giving me this time with you today Mr. Tanner.
Jake Tanner: You're welcome. But that time is over now. Get the hell out while I'm still in this good mood!!
**Max and his crew quickly scramble out. As Jake brushes his title off, we fade to black.......**
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