| Subject: In hereys>>> |
Author:
Glorindiel
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Date Posted: 20:11:20 11/15/02 Fri
In reply to:
Glorindiel
's message, "LORD OF THE RINGS FANS>>>" on 20:10:18 11/15/02 Fri
I figured this is the best way to get reviews. Don't be too mean or Karamono will be forced to hit you with hit bat LOL ((You'll understand later in fic))
Well here it is! [Trumpet fanfare that's off key]
Dumb Ring!
(Creative name…um, any ideas…anyone?)
-Disclaimer-
Glorindiel-[Jumps into view] Hi!!! I love the Lord of the Rings! I love Hobbits! I love Elves! I love Frodo! [Goes into swoon] Those eyes…
Karamono-Oh dear [Whacks Glorindiel with his bat]
Glorindiel-[Knocked out] x_x
Karamono- What she was trying to say is that, though she loves these things, alas she does not own them.
Glorindiel- [Sits up quickly] I’d like to own Frodo!
Karamono- Shut up [Whacks her again] This bat comes in handy. I’m thankful for Muses R’ Us, for all your Musey-Type needs![Cheesy grin]
Glorindiel-[Still knocked out] x_x
Karamono-[Looks at Glorindiel on the floor and shakes his head]
Note-Karamono is my Vile Musey-Type Thing [Otherwise known as a Muse. Thank you Kara, writer of “Stupid Hobbit” (Which by the way is a hilarious fic, go to www.angelfire.com/ok5/alcathradiel/stupidhobbit.html to read it!) for the idea of having a Muse! Great fic!]
Wow long Disclaimer but one more note- This is my first fic, so let me know if it is crapy, OK?
Chapter 1
Three Onion Rings for the Elven Kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-Lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal men [These were deep fried]
One for the Dark Lord on his Dark Throne,
In the land of Mordor, where by the Elves, they were first tried.
Glorindiel- [Laughes nervously, sweating bullets] Umm….Yeah. [Yells out, shaking her fist] WHO IS THE IDIOT WRITING THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Karamono-Uh, you.
Glorindiel- Oh yeah…
Karamono- You know that sucked, don’t you?
Glorindiel-Silence Vile Musey-Type Thing!
Glorindiel picks up the paper and shreds it into tiny, molecular size pieces.
Glorindiel-Let’s start over…umm, Here’s the video. [Puts tape in player]
(The Disclaimer is supposed to be shown again, but I’m too lazy to copy and paste, and you’re probably getting really bored by now, but don’t stop reading! It gets better, I promise!)
Chapter 1
Frodo is sitting in his study in Bag End, reading a comic book.
Karamono-Correction-there were no comic books in the time of the Lord of the Rings.
Glorindiel-[Muttering] Showoff. [Out loud] Fine!
Frodo is reading Bilbo’s Book in the Study of Bag End.
Glorindiel-Nyah! Happy? [Sticks out her tongue at Karamono]
There comes a knock on the door.
Frodo- [Gets up] Better not be that traveling door-to-door wizard that got Bilbo into so much trou-
Frodo opens the door to see the same wizard on his doorstep.
Gandalf-Hi, Frodo lad! [Jumps around crossing his legs] Could I use…
Frodo- [Slaps his forehead and motions behind his hobbit hole] Go right ahead.
Gandalf runs to the outhouse. A minute later a flush is heard. Gandalf comes running back.
Gandalf-Thanks Frodo! Well, bye!
Frodo-Uh, Gandalf? Don’t you have something to tell me?
Gandalf- Oh, yes, don’t go in there for a while [Jerks thumb behind him towards the outhouse that has those cheesy animation “smell” lines above it]
Frodo- Anything else? Maybe about a ring?
Gandalf-A ring? You mean my earring? [Blinks] You don’t want to know where that is.
Karamono-I though that this was going to be a PG13 fic? Isn’t that going a bit too far?
Glorindiel-[Laughing her head off while she’s typing] Sorry! I couldn’t help it! It’s from a joke I heard once…you know, they’re at the Council of Elrond and Elrond says “Who’s got the Ring?” and Frodo says, “Um, guys…I got a little drunk last night,” then he drops his pa-
Karamono-OK! I think we’ve heard enough!
Glorindiel-Right! Back to the story! [Laughs a bit]
Frodo-[Blinks, stunned. Then after a while he yells]No the ONE RING!!!!
Gandalf-Oh, that Ring! Um, it’s dangerous, you need to destroy it.
Frodo-That’s it? Aren’t you going to tell me where to go or what to do? [Mumbles] Like you always do?
Gandalf-Okies, then, go to Rivendell. Elrond’ll know what to do.
Frodo-Well,
Gandalf-And one more thing, take these characters! They’ve been following me like dogs, yelling things about dragon fireworks! (Note- if you haven’t seen the movie you won’t get what I just said, OK?) [Chucks Sam, Merry, and Pippin at poor Frodo]
Sam-Hi, master!
Merry-What about the fireworks?!
Pippin-I’m hungry.
Frodo-[Lies on the ground, curling up into a little ball and waiting for his death]
Gandalf-Now go you little pip squeaks! Get out of here now! [Does his Freaky Get Bigger and Scarier (FGBS) thing]
Pippin, Merry, Sam-[Shudder and try to hide behind Frodo, but find that, even if he’s a hobbit, he’s not wide enough to hide the three of them]
Frodo-Get away from me you filthy wretches! [Pulls out Sting and chases the other hobbits] DIE!!!!
Karamono-[Conks Frodo on the head with his bat, then swings it around, whistling]
Frodo-[Knocked out] x_x
Glorindiel-You love it when you get to do that, don’t you?
Karamono-Yes, I do. It’s quite invigorating.
Glorindiel-You learn well, my little muse.
Sam-[Runs to Frodo’s side] Mr. Frodo! Are you alive?!?!?!?!
Frodo-x_x
Sam- NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!![Turns to Karamono, his eyes going all red and big] NOBODY HURTS MY MASTER!!!!![Lunges at Karamono, but misses]
Karamono- You forget, I’m a muse, you can’t hurt me! Nyah![Sticks out his tongue at Sam]
Glorindiel-You really don’t like Sam do you?
Karamono-[Matter-of-factly] No.
Glorindiel-Too bad, I’m the author and I say that you have to revive Frodo and tell Sam you’re sorry![Stamps her foot]
Karamono- NO! [Stamps…uh…paw]
Glorindiel-You say you’re sorry mister or I’ll not give you any catnip!
Karamono-[Begs in front of her] No! Not my catnip! I’ll do anything!
Glorindiel-Anything, huh? [Much later, you see Glorindiel on a lounge chair watching the Lord of the Rings for the 600th time, with Karamono fanning her]
Karamono-I’m sorry, Frodo. [Revives him] Sam, [Mumbles, really really quietly] Sorry [Walks grudgingly away. Stops by a smirking Glorindiel] I WILL get revenge…MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!![Stops laughing and looks sheepish, then walks away]
Glorindiel-Issues…[Shakes head sadly]
OKKKKK! Back to the story now!
Frodo-Oh, my head [Holds head] Did someone get the license plate of the Muse? Woah, Pippin, Merry, what did we have to drink last night? I feel like I just had a Word-Record hangover!
Pippin-I’m hungry.
Merry-No you didn’t have a hangover, you had one of those last week.
Frodo-Oh, yeah.
Gandalf-[Really P/O] Get out of here you DUMB Hobbits! And Frodo, don’t tell anyone you’re real name, it is dangerous!
Frodo-OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
All Hobbits-[Run clear to Bree, then realize that they left all of their stuff at Frodo’s Hobbit hole and have to run back to get it and face FGBS Gandalf]
At Bree…
Butterbur-Hello, How can I help you, Mr. Baggins?
Frodo-[Winces] Not my NAME!!!!
Butterbur-Why?
A scream of a Ringwraith is heard in the distance.
Distant Voice(sounds like a Ringwraith)-There he is!!!!!!!!Get the Baggins!!!!!!!!!! Charge! [They all rear and charge for Bree]
Will Frodo and his stupid companions ever get away from the Wraiths? Will Gandalf ever stop being a FGBS wizard? Will Karamono ever stop hitting people with his bat? Will Glorindiel get dragged off by the police to a nice, white, padded room which she thinks is Caradras and thinks that she can walk on the snow (“Whee! I’m an elf!!!”)? Will anyone ever be sane again????????????????????
Find out next time! In Chapter 2!
Karamono-[Moans] Oh, no! There’s MORE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
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