| Subject: Chapter 2>>> |
Author:
Glorindiel
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Date Posted: 20:45:45 11/16/02 Sat
In reply to:
Glorindiel
's message, "In hereys>>>" on 20:11:20 11/15/02 Fri
Chapter 2
-Disclaimer-
Glorindiel-I own all! MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ((OK Sorry, that came from ?Stupid Hobbit?, Sorry anyone who thinks I?m a Vile Copy-Type Person!))
Karamono- [Matter-of-Factly]No you don?t own everything.
Glorindiel-[Hisses] Vile-Musey-Type Thing be silent!!!!!!!!
Karamono-[Holds up his bat and taps it in his hand]
Glorindiel-OK, [Pouts] I don?t own all, I don?t own anything! Especially Lord of the Rings!!!!!![Bursts out in Banshee-Type wail]
Karamono-and she does not own the lines from Peter Pan starring Mary Martin in this chapter either.
Note-I like saying the phrase Vile ___-Type, can?t you tell?
When we last joined our um?uh?Not-Exactly-Heroes, they had just become endangered by the Ringwraiths. Read on!!!!Read on!!!!!
Frodo-Did you hear something?
Pippin, Merry, and Sam- [Shake heads. Random sounds of] No.
Evil Looking dude that?s really a Good Guy- I did, and I will help you. I may look evil, but underneath all this disguise I am a weird man that everyone is afraid of. I am Aragorn. Will you take me on your quest with you? I can read your minds, I know what hunts you. Plus I can read the sign on the dumb one?s back. [He points to Pippin]
All hobbits except Pippin-[Look at Pippin?s back. They find huge sign that says:
We are on a quest to destroy the One Ring
The Wringraythes Ringwraiths are after us
Can you help us? Call 1-800-SHIRE
P.S. Don?t say my friend?s name-he doesn?t like it for some reason?
Frodo-[Rips sign off Pippin?s back]Fool of a Took! [Pause]Hey! I?ve always wanted to say that![Giggles to himself] That felt GOOD to say that. I?M ALL POWERFUL!!!!
Glorindiel-We apologize for Frodo?s random outburst. It won?t happen again, [Has Frodo in a Headlock] Will it?
Frodo-[Strangled voice] NO!!!!
Glorindiel-Good?..
Frodo-[Going blue] 0_0
Karamono-[Taps bat in paw again]
Glorindiel-Fine. Spoil my fun?[Goes off muttering to herself]
Through the magic of the rewind button we can go back before the whole ?Headlock? incident and pick up from there?
Pippin-But you said you wanted help!
Frodo-KARAMONO!!!!!!!!
Karamono appears in a puff of Musey-Type Smoke.
Karamono-[Coughs and fans away the increasingly large smoke cloud, then smiles, overly-happy] How can I help you?
Frodo-Do you have your bat on hand?
Karamono-Yesssssss?[Eyes the smiling Hobbit nervously]
Frodo-Please hit Pippin with it.[Points to Pippin]
Pippin-I?m hungry
Karamono-OK! [Skips joyfully over to Pippin, them swings a double handed whack at Pippin]
Pippin-HAHAHAHA---x_x
Karamono-[Smiles, then whistles a happy tune to himself] If you need anything, just call [Disappears in a cloud of even larger smoke]
Faraway Voice[Sounds like Karamono?s]-I gotta work on that!![Sounds of hacking, wheezing and choking are heard, then they fade off]
Aragorn-Ahem?what about me?
Frodo-Oh, yeah. Well, it seems that no one else wants to help, so I guess you got the job.
Aragorn-[Screams like a little girl] I got the job! YAY!!
Pippin-?x_x?
Merry and Sam-Yay [Monotone]
Glorindiel-Wait! He might prove useful!
Merry and Sam-Yes, he might?[Thought bubble: Aragorn being a bridge over boiling lava, then falling in. Other not-so-nice visions pop into their minds]
Karamono-[Appears, wearing a gas mask when he steps out of the smoke]Hey! I figured it out! I can breathe![Does a victory dance] Now, [Takes mask off and throws it into Glorindiel?s Closet of things never-to-be-seen-again] Those thoughts are bad! Think lovely thoughts! Think lovely thoughts?Think lovely thoughts?[Chants it with the Hobbits and Aragorn. Pippin now revived]
Hobbits and Aragorn-Think lovely thoughts?Think lovely thoughts?
Frodo-Hopscotch!
Merry-Fishing!
Pippin-Candy!
Aragorn- Picnics!
Frodo-Flowers!
Pippin-Candy!
Sam-Food!
Merry-Ditto!
Karamono-Lovelier thoughts, Pippin!
Pippin-Christmas! [Shoots straight up into the air] I?m flying!
Other Hobbits-Yay! [They jump into the air, flying, too]
Aragorn-[Crosses arms] I refuse to believe this nonsense! [Pause then he whispers a lovely thought and flies into the air] Arwen!
Karamono- You?re flying? [Glides about in the air]
((OK, to understand this part, you need to watch ?Peter Pan?, starring Mary Martin. OK? But to explain, Peter tells the children that they can fly if they think lovely thoughts, so they do and they fly and Mary Martin starts singing what Karamono started singing. Does that make sense? Hopefully! It?s hilarious to me, don?t know how that helps you, but?))
Frodo-Let?s go!!!!!
All-[They fly off out of Bree]
Weathertop
Frodo-You guys don?t make our presence known, OK?
All other Hobbits-OK!![They exchange sly glances]
Frodo-[Falls asleep] Zzzzzzzzzz -_-
Glorindiel-Awww! How cute!![Starts to run towards the sleeping (HOT) Hobbit]
Karamono-No!! Down girl! Sit! [Chases and catches her] Now you made me do this?[Conks her on the head with his bat]
Glorindiel-?x_x?
All Hobbits besides Frodo-[Start a roaring fire and make ?smores]
Frodo[Wakes up because of the Marshmallowy-Type Goodness Smell] What are you doing?!?!?!?!
Merry-Nice mushy marshmallows!
Pippin-[Unable to speak because his mouth is glued together with melted marshmallow]
Sam-We saved some for you, Mr. Frodo.
Merry-[To Sam, whispering] But not much though!
Merry and Sam-[Laugh]
Frodo-No!! Put out the fire!! I?m going to get hurt by the Ringwraiths now!!![Stomps on fire] Hey, where?s Aragorn?
Merry-We thought he was with you?
Frodo-[Offended and uptight] NO!!!
Karamono-Now aren?t you overstepping your boundaries as a PG-13 fic writer?
Glorindiel-[Laughing hysterically] No.
Karamono-Do you want me to explain the description of the rating PG-13?
Glorindiel-[Suddenly very quiet and snapped to attention] No.
Karamono-Good?Now don?t let it happen again[Pats her on the head]
Glorindiel-Stupid ratings! [Going all Gollum-like] We will squeeze them, [Hiss] SQUEEZE THEM!
Karamono-Oh, dear, I think I hear the police coming to cart her off to that nice padded room?
Will Glorindiel get carted off? Will Frodo get hurt? Will Karamono lighten up? Will they find Aragorn? Was Frodo telling the truth?
Find out in Chapter 3?
Karamono-The torture! More than half the bloody book to go!!!!!!!![Puts gun to his head]
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