Author:
Nevaeh
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 23:03:18 01/02/12 Mon
In reply to:
Seth
's message, "..}Not Strong Enough{.." on 21:26:43 01/02/12 Mon
 |
She'd been totally unprepared for just how much his kiss would affect her, even out here in the cold, in front of anyone any everyone who cared to notice. She wanted him, wanted him desperately as his lips moved over hers and his hands moved to her back. For the briefest of moments, the heaviness of the day seemed to melt to nothingness and it was just them...and that was all that mattered. It took every single ounce of her strength to draw herself away from him, the heat that he'd created blazing in rosy blooms high on her cheeks. Her heart raced wildly, and for what she feared would be the last time for a long while, she truly felt alive.
She could feel tension in him...it drew his features tightly and made her heart squeeze painfully. He was good at keeping his emotions under wraps...even she could not fully decipher the thoughts going through his head, nor the feelings he was suppressing. All she knew for sure was that this wasn't easy on him, either. She just wished she knew if it was as damned hard for him as it was for her. She felt like she was leaving a piece of herself here, with him...a vital piece that she would never fully recover without. It was a strange sensation, a scary one--to know you'd never be quite whole again, that someone else would carry that single piece of the puzzle that would complete the picture of your soul.
"Oh, hush. There's nothing wrong with my rating system. I'm good with numbers. Lab rat, remember?" She cocked a thumb in her own direction, attempting a grin and failing miserably. He wasn't pulling off the smiling thing so well himself, it appeared...and that hurt a little to see, too. In the next moment, she barked a little laughter, unable to help herself at his jest. Leave it to Seth to get her to laugh when all she wanted to do was curl up and cry. "I'll do that. Just for you." She murmured, trying to add a bit of suggestion to her words as she leaned up to brush her lips against his stubbled cheek one last time. She then bent to lift her bags from the pavement, casting her whiskey gaze up to meet his blues a final time. "Goodbye, Seth." She said softly, forcing herself to move past him and into the airport. She glanced back once to give him a little wave, before disappearing into the sea of people.
She had to physically concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other as she moved towards the check in, feeling cold and disconnected from her body. She checked her bags and went through security without even fully realizing it, like a woman in a dream...or nightmare, however you wanted to look at it. Numbness would have been welcome...it would have gotten her through this thing, for at least a little while. She'd expected it to settle in after she'd turned her back on him for the final time. What she hadn't expected was the incredible despair that had over taken her...the sorrow that was so great, it seemed to suck her into the vast chasm of darkness and swallow her up.
As she waited to board the plane, she had no time to reflect on anything other than that hollow, desperate ache. She could not draw up the fond memories, as she'd planned...could not relive them to get herself through the blackness...because the blackness was all she knew in that moment. She couldn't look backward, could not look forward to the future...couldn't think of anything but each passing second that seemed to be worst than the last. Was this what people meant when they spoke of a broken heart? Nev thought it was, and honestly didn't know how to even begin to mend it. It was so much worse than she could have anticipated!
Finally, it was time to climb aboard the plane. She got into line, moving like cattle with the rest of her flight mates towards the aircraft. When she reached her seat, she was dismayed to find that she would be stuffed between two larger people, one a man near the window and one a woman in the aisle. Great. Now she wouldn't even be able to cry in peace! She slipped into her seat, holding her purse, the only carry-on she had, demurely in her lap. She took a deep and watery breath, trying to focus on just controlling her breathing so she would not break into hysterics sandwiched here between two strangers. One breath in...and out. Second breath in...and out.
She made it til her 242nd breath.
It was right about that time that everyone else had gotten settled in, and the stewardesses were preparing to make their speech on crash and seat belt instructions. As she'd sat, counting her breaths with her small hands made into fits around the straps of her purse, Nev had come to a very stark and life-changing realization.
She was in love with him.
There was no 'falling' about it. She'd already taken the fall, right off the edge and into that unfamiliar territory that singers and poets and authors liked to talk about but she'd never understood. Now it made sense...every sappy love song, every sonnet, every romance novel ever sold. The pain she felt...that horrible incomplete sensation was not caused because she'd simply miss nightly romps with the rugged man she'd met in Cascade. It was due in full to the fact that she'd left her heart with him. Not just a piece...but the whole damn thing.
She didn't know if he loved her back...and as she sat, processing the severity of her realization, she didn't care. All she knew was, she simply could not leave this place without telling him. He deserved to know, and she deserved to throw it out there...to take the chance. She could not imagine wondering about the 'what-ifs' for the remainder of her days. If she didn't take the chance now....she never would.
She rose as the stewardess began to speak, moving toward to the front of the plane. "Miss, you need to be seated!" The woman scolded her, causing every eye in the plane to turn Nev's way.
"I need to get off." Nev, whom never could have been described as an overly intimidating woman, looked positively determined as she surveyed the other from across the distance.
"You can't get off the aircraft right now. You must be seated! We can talk to the pilot after we..."
"Let me off. I NEED to be off of this airplane! Right now, goddamn it!" Nev raised her voice, moving forward, only to be blocked by the stewardess.
"Sit down, or I'll contact the Air Marshall.." The woman threatened.
Having had it, Nev pulled out her NYPD badge. "Please do! If you don't let me off of this plane, you'll be guilty of interfering with a police investigation!" She hissed, amber gazed narrowed.
After a few minutes, Nev was running through the airport, dodging people, pushing people...she was beyond caring. If she could just catch Seth before he left...dammit! One polished pump went flying as she tripped, nearly dumping her to the tiled floor. Without a second thought, she kicked the other off and continued. She managed to make it through security quickly with another flash of her badge, and soon found herself at the front of the airport. She skidded out onto the cold pavement, which had now become wet as the rain began to patter down from the grey and turbulent skies. "Goddamn it!" She cried out, realizing that Seth's Jeep was nowhere to be seen. Her mind raced, trying to figure out what to do...where to go next. She considered his apartment...but thought better of it. The office was her best bet at this point.
She waved her arms wildly, flagging down a taxi after a few desperate moments. She barked her orders, and the cab sped off towards the mountains.
_______†______†______†________
Touch me I'm cold
Unable to control
Touch me I'm golden
And wild as the wind blows
And tumbling tumbling
Don't go, fascination
If just for tonight darling,
.L e t s. g e t. l o s t.
†2010 Dodge Challenger†
†Furious Fuchsia†
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
|
Feedback: 