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Date Posted: 14:07:16 07/05/25 Sat
Author: Jen
Subject: Re: Hi, intro
In reply to: Sandersons 's message, "Hi, intro" on 10:32:41 07/05/25 Sat

Welcome!

I have 3 boys that are 6, 8 and 11. We use DD and spankings for all 3. We are firm believers in First Time Obedience (FTO) and I have written extensively about it here.

Most of my posts are about my middle son. DD seems to work really well for the 8 year old. Our youngest turned 6 a couple of weeks ago and we don’t practice DD on 5 and under, so he’s rarely mentioned here. But that will now change. We use DD on the 11 year old, however we find spanking works best for him so we spank him more including occasional maintenance.

How old were your kids when you last used DD? The younger you start DD, even if you stopped for a while, the easier it is to implement.

DD is hard to start but once you get past the initial phase it becomes easier and a wonderful disciplinary system.

First let’s look at the benefits. DD reminds the child they are children and don’t have the full rights of an adult. DD makes the child self conscious about their behavior in public, they believe everyone knows they are wearing a diaper (but nobody knows or cares) and try to act appropriately to avoid additional attention. DD gives the child multiple timeouts each day for changes which allows the parents to talk, cuddle or discipline them. DD is gentler than spanking. There are many other benefits, I encourage you to read more.

There are disadvantages too. It’s expensive. It can be gross and smelly. It can be inconvenient.

If you want to start DD, have a family meeting with the kids. During the family meeting explain to them how things are going to change and why. Allow them to ask questions. But, here’s the catch, DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT DD OR YOUR PLANS. Keep DD secret.

If you jump straight into the deep end and start full speed with DD you will get push back like you’ve never experienced before. They will complain to their grandparents, aunts, uncles, coaches, teachers etc etc etc. There will be unbelievable temper tantrums too.

I recommend starting with one child to perfect your system. Start with the one you think will be the easiest. Start small and ramp it up.

Let’s assume you start with your 9 year old son. Here are some little examples you can start with to prepare him for DD. You can change these as you see fit. Over the next couple of months:
Replace “big kid” underwear with “little kid” underwear.
Lower his bedtime
Remove privacy by having a no closed door policy
Buy childish pajamas
Restrict screen time
Supervise bath time

These are just a few examples of upfront, direct actions. Then there’s the indirect, subtle changes. Things you don’t tell him about.

Change the way you talk!

He doesn’t have a stomach ache, he has a tummy ache.
You aren’t mom and dad, you are mommy and daddy.
He doesn’t go to the bathroom, he goes potty.

Change other aspects of his life (but remember, don’t tell him).

Family movie night is now childish cartoon movies.
Add in the occasional preschool sing along while in the car.
Add some childish touches to his room. Like a Paw Patrol poster to go along with his car or sports posters.

You get the idea. The goal is to reinforce the idea that he’s a little child still. Also you want to make him used to being seen naked and having his bottom and wee-wee cleaned.

How long this takes depends on the child. Some children can be very easy to age regress whereas others are not. It may take weeks or months.

So how will you know when he’s ready for diapers? Pay attention to small changes. For example, he starts saying mommy/daddy naturally. Or you see him in the rear view mirror singing along to a preschooler song. Or notice him playing with toys more than his video games.

Now it’s time for diapers! Find some that fit properly. He’s going to throw a fit when you show them to him. He did not change that much over the last few weeks. The last few weeks of subtle changes were to just soften him up a bit.

You will need to get physical with him. Don’t hesitate to spank or restrain. The first few days are tough. He’ll eventually submit.

A couple of things to keep in mind at the start.
1) don’t punish for a leaky diaper. He needs to learn to slowly release into it and not flood it.
2) give lots of love. Keep him close by, this is called tomato staking.

If he behaves then reward it. Allow him to pick out his diaper. If his favorite color is blue then get him a blue pacifier.

Lastly, have fun with it. Good luck

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