Author:
Mrs. Betty Bowers, America's Best Christian
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Date Posted: 11:11:48 12/16/02 Mon
Dear Sister-in-Christ Dora:
Dora, you know that I love you with a heart overflowing with Christian concern. While many other respectable friends have rightly abandoned you for being trash, wishing not to sully their good names by being associated with someone as tawdry as you, I have leant my good Christian name to your all-but-worthless cause by telling all who will listen that "Dora Denkins, while making Jesus vomit, is a harlot the Lord Jesus has not quite given up on yet."
I am too bathed in Christian modesty to tell you the number of prayer circles I have led, invoking your wicked name and asking the Lord (sometimes with a lovely tear coming out of my left eye) to rescue you from being a filthy amoral slut. True, the Lord has, by all evidence, chosen to ignore my pleas, but that doesn't mean He has necessarily decided to fling your well-used body into the flames of Hell, dear.
There is still hope that the Lord Jesus will not torture you in Hell! But the first step must be yours. And you know what it is, dear. You must make yourself right with Jesus. Maybe then, He will know you are alive, much less answer your prayers. And how do you make yourself right with the Lord? You must, of course, call the tithing department at Landover Baptist and get your appallingly past-due account current. It is only then that Jesus will give you the time of day. Otherwise, you are lost, dear. So sad. Jesus wept -- and so shall I.
Yours in the Blood of the Perfect Lamb,
Betty
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