A plea to X-band '01 -- XAVIER MENS BASKETBALL

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Date Posted: 17:58:09 10/10/02 Thu
Author: Homeskillet
Subject: A plea to X-band '01

X-band '01,

I beg you to give me the opportunity to show you the beauty and magic of pornography. When you were being ceaselessly and, in my opinion, cruelly attacked on this board, I stepped forward to declare that I would not support the "band free zone" desired by my more heartless brethren on this board. Unlike our pal the mysterious Wasp Pee, I defended you under my normal moniker. I put my bad name on the line for you. Would you now abandon me to the wolves?

I for one miss the band man. I miss his board, with its lyrical prose regarding the women's lecrosse team and intramural euchre finals. I miss his updates regarding the coach of Boise State and the nickname for Slippery Rock's teams. I think X-band, with his unyielding loyalty and love for Xavier, could have added unimaginable strength to this board. He seemed to hate the French and could easily convert to the way of an alcoholic (alcohol does its own work, he would not need my help there). I have seen the band man lash out at other posters in malicious ways that make me smile. His biggest failing was his porn failure. I never liked BP's attacks on your alleged virginity, band man. Your sex life is your business. But whether you have sex daily or not at all, porn is in your best interest.

I know porn. I know the good, the bad and the ugly, and frankly prefer the last two. I can teach you the way of the porn. If you prefer internet porn, I'm your man. If you like smut mags, I can hook you up. If you prefer the films, be they old school stag, modern teenie, or darker snuff action, I can show you the way. Whatever you need, X-band, I will guide you.

Just as Virgil guided Dante through the Inferno, I can do the same for you (I thought a literary reference might help--see, I read a non-porn book once). Life itself is an inferno, and we all need a guide. Let me be yours, my brother.

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Replies:

[> This man knows porn. I nominate Skillet to be in charge of continuing education for the Army of Porn. If one man can turn the band man, it is the Skillet. -- Snipe, 23:40:30 10/10/02 Thu

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[> [> Sorry Snipe, his new title is, "Minister of Porn." -- NO JUSTICE! NO PEACE!, 14:25:52 10/11/02 Fri

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[> The army of porn conducts its own continuing education without the need of my assistance. I can only help the new initiates who may have trouble finding their own way to sites with women getting pounded by great danes. All true soldiers in the army of porn already know where to get their fixes. However, not everyone knows where to find great photos of camel toes. Camel toes have never received enough respect. Go to www.cameltoe.org. -- Homeskillet, 13:12:19 10/11/02 Fri

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[> X-Band is an 'alleged' virgin the way Orenthal James Simpson is an 'alleged' double murderer. -- BP, 16:07:23 10/11/02 Fri

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[> [> Message from Xband -- Pablo, 10:44:32 10/16/02 Wed

Posted on the old fogey board (in between the canasta posts and the shadows shuffleboard team standings);

Could you (or another Cartel member) please email me the Cartel Charter - I am still in deliberation on whether or not to join the Army of Porn.

Yes, *****r/JC/HRSIII/any name I left out, I got your email - I'm discussing the offer with my agent as I speak.

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[> X-band '01, you indicated on the Nazi board that you were weighing whether or not to join the amry of porn. Colonel Homeskillet is your personal recruiter. If you have any questions or would like a brief tour of the facilities here at Fort Smut, just let me know. I will be happy to show you around. -- Homeskillet, 15:00:35 10/16/02 Wed

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[> X-band has shown a willingness to convert to the Army of Porn. His post was quickly deleted by the Admins, knowing that their worst fears may be coming to fruition. If we can convert X-band, nobody is safe from the Army of Porn. I have forwarded his email to the Cartel's Minister of Porn. Mr. Band, submit your will to porn! -- The Humboldt, 20:47:37 10/18/02 Fri

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