NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 04:04:02 08/08/01 Wed
Author: kande, writing this on a cocktail napkin
Subject:

NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper

motto: Pedal till you get tired, then pedal some more.

TOP STORIES

Kande Returns To Find Town Near Ruins
Kande, an upstanding citizen of Shipperville, returned from vacation to find the town under mob rule. Mayor Kenamom, leading the unruly mob, took possession of many of the town's institutions, such as kande's klub and this Grammy Award winning newspaper.

Discovering the mayor and many other citizens crabbing at each other, kande then found a flier explaining the mood change. A [word not used in quality newspapers] Parade is to be held. Many of the residents in question have been working furiously on their floats for the [bleep] Parade.

Town librarian Rabid has closed the library while she works on her float. Shipperville's literary elite, CW, is holding vigil outside the library. "I can't believe I'm going to have to pay late fees! That fifteen cents per day is going to have to come out of my knitting money. That [deleted]!" CW was quoted as saying.

LOCAL STORIES

Bubba Learns To Drive!
Lovable town bartender and alien, Bubba, has been seen not only behind the wheel of a car, but also on a bicycle! The photos were spotted in the window of Shipperville's one-hour photo developing store. A photo of Bubba in a compromising position with someone closely resembling the mayor was also spied, but could not be located when this reporter attempted to pick up the prints.

When asked about the photo, Bubba refused to talk, indicating through gestures that he would only talk about modes of transportation. When a reporter indicated no interest in that topic, he attempted to run her over with a scooter.

CLASSIFIEDS

Overdue: The following Shipperville citizens have books overdue at the library: CW. The books in question are "Mulder & Scully's Love Nest," "Mulder, is that a gun in your pocket?" and "Scully: Natural Redhead." This ad has been provided as a public service and paid for by your late fees.

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Replies:

Dear Editor, -- kenamo, esteemed Mayor, 10:58:48 08/09/01 Thu