NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper -- X-Philes World-Shipperville

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Date Posted: 03:11:20 11/13/02 Wed
Author: kande
Subject: NOROMO GAZETTE, Shipperville's Alternative Newspaper

motto: I don't *even* want to know where the rest of it is.

TOP STORIES

In The Beginning
Shipperville residents have returned to where it all began: Season One.

"The benefit of hindsight gives us a unique perspective," said Shipperville mayor Kenamom in a statement. "Now that we know how things end up...sort of...we can trace the path from the beginning."

Noromos, meanwhile, are certain they will be vindicated. "I think we will be able to prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is not, and never has been, this so-called 'MSR'," announced kande.

The first two episodes (Pilot and Deep Throat) have been viewed and analyzed. The third episode (Squeeze) is on the schedule for this weekend.

Shipperville Felines Send A Message
Kande's Klub owner kande reported receiving a threatening message from local cats. "I was watching the news, sipping coffee, when I noticed my beloved widdle kee-kat Pattini batting something around," kande says in her statement to police. "I grabbed a paper towel because it looked kind of icky. When I picked it up and looked at it, I saw that it was the head of a mouse."

Sheriff Stardoe faced reporters with this grim news: "Clearly, this is some sort of a message or warning." When asked what that message or warning is, the sheriff replied, "I'm afraid I don't know the answer to that."

Mayor Kenamom was quick to calm increasingly frantic residents. "I don't think this is a trend. I firmly believe that this was an isolated incident. Clearly, the target of the mouse head was being punished for some unknown indiscretion."

Informed of the mayor's comments, an outraged kande struck back. "I'd like to remind the mayor that she is the main supplier of cat toys in my household. Perhaps her cat toy materials ought to be scrutinized for potential feline mind control effects."

The mayor responded by issuing a fine.

LOCAL STORIES

Memorial Service For Local Hamsters
A memorial service for the dearly departed hamsters Sweetie, Cutie, and Hee-Hee will be held this Saturday at Kande's Klub.

A clearly distraught KS was unable to speak to reporters. Her spokesman, JD, had this to say: "We are in shock. While we knew Sweetie had a terminal illness, the deaths of Cutie and Hee-Hee were completely unexpected. We hope the memorial service can be used to raise funds for, and awareness of, hamster breast cancer. As soon as we are able to identify the cause of death for Cutie and Hee-Hee we will hold another fundraiser."

Donations may be made to the KS Fund For Hamster Research.

CLASSIFIEDS

Lost: One mouse head. If found, call 555-CATTOY.

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Replies:

Dear Editor -- Kande's Sis, 06:16:45 11/14/02 Thu
- Dear Editor..... -- kenamom, Dutiful Mayor of Shipperville, 10:10:56 11/14/02 Thu